A fatal case of
assholism…
You know, I had heard that we (once again) missed out on the
end of the world. “Futurist” and conspiracy
theorist David Meade became another YouTube celebrity with his theory that on
Saturday, September 23rd the mysterious planet Nibiru or maybe it
was Cthulhu (My apologies, H.P. Lovecraft fans) was going to bang into the
earth and destroy all. Well, that didn’t
happen.
But at least it gave pause to people like me that wonder
about the end of our world. Eventually,
of course, there will be an end of our world.
But, when we speak about THE BIG END, mostly we’re talking about the end
of humanity, as opposed to the end of the earth.
Chances are the earth will be here for a long time, save an
apocalyptic collision with a planet-sized meteor, a cross-orbital encounter
with Mars or Venus, or when the sun finally flashes out as it becomes a
red-giant, sometime five billion years into the future.
Nope, we’re talking about the absence of humanity from
existence. I believe this result will
come much sooner than the destruction of our planet. Of course, you’ve probably seen or at least
heard of all the ways thee may parish….
War, disease, natural disaster, and all the rest….many in Technicolor apocalyptic
science fiction movies.
However, I firmly believe we will all meet our untimely
demise because of a fatal case of assholism.
Of all the isms in the world, this one appears to be the most virulent
and dangerous. Now, assholism certainly
seems to be on the rise in many corners of the world.
Of course, in order to look into the meaning of assholism,
one must understand the asshole as a whole….. (Thank you, thank you very
much). It, of course all begins with the
ass.
Now, being a big butt man from way
back, I can certainly appreciate the pleasantly rounded orbs of a woman’s
behind. Now, frankly, I’ve tried
studying the sexual significance of the butt… why men seem to find it
attractive. Most people do not like to
discuss it, even to the point of me slapped hard across the face.
Many women also seem to enjoy a good-looking butt on a
man. I’m not sure what qualifies as good
looking. “Round, tight and muscular,” are
descriptions I have heard. Of course, I
don’t know why anyone would need muscles in their butt… sitting is done with or
without a well-toned behind… and obviously one does not lift weights with their
butt.
Honestly, the only reasons one has a butt is that your
ability to bend, walk and sit all require a large hinged part of your skeleton
to be on the lower section of your body.
(Having a butt on your shoulders would be cumbersome at best…) The other, major reason you have a butt is that
other reason….
Therefore, we get to the hole of the ass, the ass hole.
Now, the anus or -for our purposes of this exposition- ass
hole is not just a hole, it is a sphincter muscle, which is really a good
thing. If you didn’t have a sphincter,
it would be impossible to ever wear pants… every time you would have to void
wastes, you’d just have to stop, drop and plop.
Not a pleasant aspect, for sure. The
sphincter muscle holds the waste (That’s poop) until it is full enough and with
help from you, it leaves your body.
Since having colon cancer years ago, I have great respect
for the amazing abilities of the human body.
You put in food (Energy) in the top… and through gravity and coordinated
muscle movements this food is used to supply your body with nutrients and
energy as it moves from the upper GI to the lower GI tracts. All this, thanks to a body system that is,
for the most part, self-regulated.
Now, the anus has been known for other things too… some have used it as a storage area to
smuggle drugs or other contraband items into or out of places. Others claim it has sexual properties which
we will not go into here (badda bing!
Oh, I’ve got a million of ‘em!).
Personally, I don’t quite understand much of that sort of
thing. Again, after having stage 3-colon
cancer, I have had Doctors, Nurses, cameras, probes, and surgical tools up
there… and I found it not pleasurable in any sort of way. I guess different strokes for….. ah, whatever…
Suffice it to say an asshole is a good and necessary thing
to have as a matter of biology.
However having an
asshole and being an asshole is a huge difference.
Unfortunately, being an asshole (or the more polite term,
ass hat… that, by the way is not a thing) is not a good thing. Those type of assholes seem to be
everywhere. Almost from the moment you
get up in the morning, there seems to be assholes hanging around.
There is that special asshole that manages to sit on your
bumper on the highway on your way to work.
Extra special points awarded to that asshole that passes you on the
two-lane road and then a half a mile up the road stops to turn left in front of
you. One only hopes for an especially
warm spot in hell for them. Not to
mention those whom pass in no passing zones going up a hill, as I have oft
experienced on lovely highway A in Sauk County.
(After all, A is for AUTOBAHN).
Now, being an asshole can be contagious. This is how road rage happens. One asshole cuts off another, and this anger
management patient becomes an asshole by thinking they can play fast and Furious on the highway. Death on the highway because people can’t stop
being assholes.
Then, of course we have the assholes whom we all know are
assholes… Nazi’s, the KKK and ISIS for example.
Truly assholes. They want to KILL
people because they don’t like them.
ISIS are a bunch of ****** that are so chicken they can’t face their
enemies one to one, so they have to blow innocent people up to make their
point.
Of course, Donald Trump doesn’t seem to mind Nazi’s too much
(or the or KKK or Russians for that matter),
so that brings me to the next bunch:
Assholes as leaders
of countries and nations: These
stretch as far back as history. Nero
was one… Caligula, another. Hitler, of course is a favorite, but
not many people remember Mussolini during the same time, also
a rather righteous a-hole.
Yet, the list of modern heads of state could equal these in
their determination to undermine humankind with their atrocities. (looking at you, Russia…)
Since I like to think the elected head of a country should
reflect the residents within, it goes to follow then the Donald Trump is probably
an asshole…. Now, I’m not saying that I know for a fact that the President of
our country is, indeed, an asshole. Yet,
it certainly seems like many of the things he has done and said are
asshole-like. Sort of like the obnoxious
uncle that comes to your wedding, gets snookered on brandy and then does the
most obnoxious things and ends up ruining the party. You just wish Uncle Donald would just quietly
pass out in a corner somewhere and sleep it off. Shut up, Donny… you’re an ASSHOLE!
It seems like there are so many Americans that fit that
description, and are damn proud of it too… which makes them ignorant
assholes. It's like they have head lice and
proud of that fact. Yeah, us!
Assholes are truly everywhere… The one non-asshole thing they do is not
discriminate. They stretch across all
geo-political and economic lines. Many
of the rich think the greater amount is poor and the poor think the rich hold
the patent on assholism. It’s not a
race, folks. Plenty of asshole-pie to go
around.
There are many female assholes that are on parity with men
assholes (finally, equality!).
Nevertheless, I would be willing to bet my ass-hat there are probably
more men than women, which fit the description.
It certainly seems that way, doesn’t it?
There are assholes of all ages, types, color, religion, and
ethnic backgrounds. From the asshole
that takes up two parking spaces at the store, to the one that sends you spam
emails.
Full disclosure: There have been times in my life, if I’m to
be completely honest here, when I…. yes, even me, have been an asshole
too. However, these days I try my best
not to be, as I am very cognizant of such behavior, and sometimes I fail… but,
I do try very hard every day to be just an okay, regular guy.
I’ve recently noted that folks that do good work things….like…
oh, work on your computers for a living say…. Should not be treated badly …
because… well, they fix YOUR
stuff. In other words, the tech guy at
your workplace can certainly out-asshole
you by getting around to fix the computer you broke sometime
around…….hmmm….. Christmas, or the apocalypse whichever comes first. Jus’ sayin’.
(which is, by the way… a very asshole-ish saying).
So, now I’m closing this missive by apologizing for all the
assholes. I’m sorry that I use this terribly
crude term, but in today’s world, it seems to be the only thing the people
hear; almost like we have assholes instead of ear-holes.
Finally, I would like to believe that when Moses went to the
mountain to receive God’s law, HE could have saved himself a bunch of work –at
least one tablet - if he cut it down to just a few commandments:
Love each other. Period. No exceptions.
Treat each other the way you would like to be treated.
Always look out for, and take care of each other.
Keep me in your heart, always.... for I am always with you.
DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.
