No One Ever Forgets the Elephant Man (Preview 3)

No one ever forgets the Elephant Man.

Preface:

A writer. Writes. A pundit. Punds. A philosopher ponders. An editor, ed….s. Fox news makes it up. Kardashian is famous for… being famous (like their predecessors the dinosaur and Paris Hilton).  Politicians screw. Scientists try to explain the “God Particle”.  Rock music, rocks! Country music… enables alcoholism. Facebook is anti-social. An Actor projects. An “A-list” Actor gives thanks God when they accept their golden idol statue. Paper mills close. I-pads and “smart phones”… well, that’s just stupid. And Stephen King? Well, he just scares the snot out of me.

Shakespeare seems to have single-handedly created all fictional characterizations (Good vs. Evil. Man vs. The Elements. Man vs. Himself), and we have been following his lead and re-telling his stories (in some form or another) in all things media for 500 years. In the United States alone, there are over 500 major studio movies released each year, 1400 fictional books, novels, and short stories published, 3000 weekly televisions shows on 900 cable television stations. The newest edition of the English Language dictionary contains some 45,000 words.

One could easy estimate over 200 trillion words have been written since the invention of the printing press and even more since first scribes loosely (in some cases, badly) transcribed the cannons of the Bible over 1500 years hence.

At some point, one would think that we’ve reached the end. The end of telling stories. The end of the mystery. The end of wonder. The end of scientific “fact”. The end of the Internet. The end of all human experience formed into words. 

Let’s face it, we all know: the Butler did it, the G spot only exists in our heads (um...metaphorically speaking), men love boobies, the rich get richer, what is true today may not be true tomorrow, the good old days weren’t always so good, and the light does indeed go out when you shut the refrigerator door.

A good friend of mine has said that there “are no more original thoughts”…he obsesses on this. And though he has some evidentiary evidence of this, I don’t really want to believe him. What would be the point of this book, then? Indeed, what would be the point in anything? Of course, this may explain his suicidal tendencies.

There are surprises however. Who knew that in the movie The Sixth Sense the character himself is a ghost?

 Though after realizing there are two (that’s TWO) remakes of the Disney movie “Snow White” on the movie screens at this moment, maybe I have to reconsider his rather drunken hypothesis. Perhaps we have reached the end of human explanation.  The facts are pretty bleak, really. We have never learned from history, though there are millions of books dedicated to it. We have yet to figure out common sense. We still believe that Christ was born on December 25th.  We believe that UFO’s are “out there,” and for just “pennies a day,” we can look like the latest 4-inch waist-ed movie star and we can enlarge our penis to finally satisfy our seemingly unsatisfied spouses. (I dunno. Maybe just listening would help?)

So why? Why in the name of Zeus would anyone need to write more words to comment on all these things that we already know to be true? Why, for example do we linger on the haunting story of Titanic? Hundreds of ships have sunk to the bottom on the dark waters of Davey Jones (not the singer). Yet we are captivated by the drama, the bravery, the hubris, the stupidity, and the human catastrophe that somehow touches us now a hundred years past.

Well, money for one. I have heard that money can buy or at least rent happiness. I would like to find if that is true. Another is notoriety. Despite my deteriorating frame, I would like to be thought well of in my dotage, and finally…in my final passing. “Sure he was a dickhead and had the head of a melon… but did you read his books?”

Finally, I have found that the writings I’ve done over my 50-ish years have been a catharsis and my own passage to find the truth. Indeed, it is out there. But, oddly enough you have to find it for yourself. You will not find your answers in a book, even the good book (sorry, Christians out there)…you find it in your heart. You find it with experience. You find it in God (Big G…Your welcome Christians), and your relationship with him.

So, as prescribed, I am no expert on anything. Nothing. Zip. Nada. But, as was suggested to me once, I just might be a cautionary tale.  So, if you want to find out how NOT to live in a relationship… How NOT to be married; How NOT to lose weight; How NOT to fix a leaking toilet; How NOT to play guitar; How NOT to spend your money; How NOT to travel…  well, kiddo… I’ve got just the tome for you.

Of course, It’s not all negatives. Other helpful and insightful life stories as: How do you kill a zombie, if they are already “the undead”? Space travel with NASA, and why it’s needed. How to make awesome heaven-like Potatoeee salad. My versions of endings of certain movies. And why time is not linear in a local jail.

Enclosed you will find ancient writings from the vaults of my very Checkered Past…  selected poems, songs, and stories. Diatribes. Song Lists. Romantic intrigue. Political shenanigans. Simple how to’s. And maybe even an answer or two you might find, eh? Hidden deep in the forest… it is pretty fertile there. 

Well, enlightening. If not, perhaps you will find a bit of yourselves or people you know here. I hope so.

So, I hope that with this writing, we can finally put a stop sign on the writings of mankind. The end of all written words from this point. Ye shall not go past this point in human written existence! The Alpha and Omega, baby! A period on the end of modern human life. From here on in, we can move on with a clean slate. And in an orderly fashion.

Let’s look with open eyes and joyful hearts to the future. 

No one Ever Forgets the Elephant Man (Preview 2)

[song list of a band I was in called Shock from Plain, WI. The year I graduated high school 1977]

“Shock” – Songs June 7, 1977

1.      Walk this way

2.      Wild Cherry

3.      We’re an American Band

4.      Takin’ care of Business

5.      Jumpin’ Jack Flash

6.      Sweet Emotion

7.      It don’t come Easy

8.      Blowing Free

9.      Can’t get enough

10.  Snakeskin Cowboys

11.  Honey Child

12.  Rebel, Rebel

13.  Rock n’ me

14.  Pinball Wizard

15.  Feel like Makin’ love

16.  Strutter

17.  Little Queeny (sic)

18.  Johnny B. Goode

19.  Rock n’ Roll

20.  ‘Ello kiddies

21.  Rocky Mountain Way

No One Ever Forgets The Elephant Man (Preview)

No one ever forgets the Elephant man!

The Many writings from: Dale Eric Glaudell.

Chapter One: An explanation.

Greetings foul reader! I really am so glad you took the time out of your busy life to read these parts of me. Here you will find an explosion of words. Some in complete sentences. Some, not so much. Over the years (many many years, actually) I have found I have written a con-sarn-it whole lot of words. Many of them I have mis-spelled, yet for some reason several people have told me that I write “very well.” (whatever that means). My ego says I must continue thusly.

I would like to share these words and sentences with you, if you are willing to take an interesting journey through the many passages, stories and lists in these pages. My hope is that some will move you. Some will make you laugh. Some will make you wonder. Some with make you very angry. But, overall I’m hoping some will make you think, consider, and perhaps draw some conclusions about life, love, sex, and the meaning of reality television.

Mankind has been endowed with the gift of written language.  It seems such a waste not to use it for your own understanding of our life in the cosmos. Besides, if this is only a quick stopping point to a better place (Where it seems many of us go after this), I believe it is best to capture as much of it as we can while we still have the chance. Before I do go..

I want you to know this…..

(PS. All illustrations and writings are indeed, from the author; unless otherwise noted).

August, 2012: WOW! Your profile has been checked out by 11 women this week! Subscribe and see who is interested in you!

Oh, my Lord! I am so lonely. I’m so horny. Honestly at this point I think I could probably fuck a ham sandwich with lots of mayonnaise.  How did I get here?

5^th grade:  The magic empty beer can....   

Paris Here We Come Blog

Paris Here We Come Blog

Check out the Paris here we come Blog!! I'm already nervous...but excited at the same time.

Letter From Herzing University

So, I got this unusual email today:


Dear Dale,

Dr. and Mrs. Herzing would like to invite you to join us on March 1, 2012 for a Celebration of Alumni in Milwaukee, WI.

The Herzing Family and the Herzing University Alumni Association are planning a gathering of graduates from the Wisconsin School of Electronics, Herzing Institute, Herzing College and Herzing University to celebrate where life has taken you since graduation. We understand that this event will be most convenient for alumni in the area, but all alums are invited. Later in the year Celebration of Alumni events will be held in Atlanta and New Orleans.

Herzing University understands the importance of its alumni to its future success. Going full circle, the success and growth of the University in quality and size enhances the value of the credential that each alumnus/alumna has earned at Herzing. In the last few years we, as an organization, have thought more about the role the alumni can play in supporting and improving the University as well as how we can sponsor functions and communications considered of value by the alumni.

Dr. and Mrs. Herzing will be in attendance as well as current president, Renée Herzing, and some of our employees with longevity dating back to the 1970s including Bev Faga (retired), Marion Duren, Edward Walstead and Wally Henry (retired).

Please join us for dinner, wine tasting, networking and visiting with old friends. You are welcome to bring your significant other and encouraged to share this invitation with your fellow alums. There is no charge for the event and the dress is business casual.

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Plus there was a side note asking if I wanted to speak at the event, I would more than welcome as a “successful Wisconsin Graduate.” I doubt I would have the guts to speak… but, I don’t know…lately, I’m kinda growing tired of the status-quo in my life. Well, If I would speak… and I would prepare a speech… this is what I would say: 

(An apology... and a note: Mr. Rick Bell sent me a really great list of improvements on this speech, which I shall include in the next installment. But, let me just say that I do not believe for a second that the only path to success is gained through college. I've known many people that have gone through years of college and be damned if they don't know a friggin' thing... and some of the most skilled and educated people I've ever known, never learned anything from a book. This is just my experience... one I'm surprised and rather grateful for... okay?)
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Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen, esteemed colleagues, and well-dressed alumni:

My name is Dale Glaudell and I am a 2006 graduate of Herzing and very grateful to be here. Grateful because I once failed at the very same college in which I find myself celebrating our common success. Without a doubt, I should not be here, on account that I am a total failure, both in life and as a student.

I blame my parents.

My mother wanted me to be just like my father, a television repair man. We always had electronic stuff around my house that my dad was working on: TV’s, Radios, and record players. Yes, they were called record players because once upon a time these machines actually played what were called “records”… little pieces of vinyl with a lot of scratches on them.

Well, my dad spent hours and money on these little projects in our home, in our basement, in our garage… it drove my mom absolutely nuts. Still, my mother wanted me to be a carbon copy of my dad… Television repair man. And when he died while I was not yet even in High School, it prompted her to really get on my case to “do something with my life.”

So, I did what all 18 year old kids would do in 1977; I grew my hair long, and played guitar in a rock n’ roll band. Which of course, sent my mother in months of non-stop brow-beating, nagging and withholding of the fried chicken. Still, I wanted nothing to do with the electronics world. And when an unmovable object meets an stoppable force, what happens? Well, my mother won out… of course.

Right about the same week that Elvis Presley died, I saw a commercial on TV that was about The Wisconsin School of Electronics. Just to get my mother off my back, her and I sojourned from my home in Reedsburg to Madison.

There we met Mr. Henry and he was an excellent salesman! They gave me an “aptitude test” and said I would be perfect to start school right away. He had us believing that in as little as 2 years, I would be happily employed (showed me charts that proved that 92 percent of the graduates had jobs within a year of graduating), and making a ton of money. We were sold!

I was the only one (even at age 18, I was pretty cheap) that had the temerity to ask about the money. You see, I hated high school. Never liked it at all. And I had no intentions of going to college. In fact, I never really thought about going to college. I was going to make it big as a rock and roll star, ya know? So, I never saved any money for college. And my family was not poor, but certainly not well off either. And certainly not well-apportioned to put me through a college.

Well, Mr. Henry put his arm around me and said these words: “Now, Dale. You should never let money impede your path to a better education, ever! You don’t worry about a thing. We’ll just work through all of that later…. “

And with that, I signed some papers and quit my regular job and moved to an apartment with my girlfriend on Commercial Avenue on Madison’s East side.

College! Wow. I was totally expecting “Animal House.” You know frat parties and sorority girls with skimpy nighties having pillow fights and a never-ending supply of beer kegger parties. Well, who knew? Someone actually had to study. And study hard.

I never did.

I was put on “academic probation” after six short months, and subsequently dropped out of school. It took me fifteen long years to pay off the school loan….

I worked in a factory after that. I got married. Had a son. Divorced. Claimed bankruptcy. And it’s all because of the lady with the stop watch that I finally re-started my march towards furthering my education.

I worked in a plastics factory in Baraboo, Wisconsin. It wasn’t really a bad job… but it wasn’t really great either. 2nd shift… not bad money and for the most part, the folks I worked with were friendly and decent. Execpt the lady with the stopwatch.

She was one of those ladies…you know the type. Been with the company probably since the beginning. A queen of the plastic extrusion. She knew everyone and everything. Nothing got by her. Well, I was working at a machine across from her, and just so happened I was having some medical problems… kidney-type issues.

I won’t go into details, but lets just say I had to run to the bathroom many times a day. The extrusion queen had noted this and with her trusty stop watch, actually clocked my time in the rest room. I was quickly called into the office by my supervisor and was written up for (and I’m quoting here): Peeing too much.

Well, the very next day I signed up for some classes and soon got into a program at MATC in Madison. I talked to my supervisor’s supervisor… and asked for some help with me getting through school. He, being the super guy he is, agreed to let me work almost full time on 2nd/3rd shift while going to school full time.

It was a really hard two years… working full (nearly) full time, and going to school in Madison full time… also trying to be a good dad to my young son… and yes, even playing in that rock and roll band on the weekends. It sure wasn’t easy… toughest two years of my life. But worth every second of misery and lost sleep.

Talk about your “distracted driver”? I remember putting my shirt on, shaving and stuffing breakfast in my big mouth….all whilst speeding along the Interstate to the MATC Truax campus.

Well, I graduated with an associate’s degree in Electronics (finally making my mother a happy woman), and before long I left the plastics factory….and with no regrets.

Well, after a climbing the long ladder of better jobs…. And after 10 years, I decided to get my bachelor’s degree… and that’s when I again turned to (what was now called) Herzing College. As I was working full-time, and recovering from cancer… I found the online classes to fit very well with my lifestyle.

I will admit, it was again a tough 2 years… but, I graduated in 2006 with a Bachelor’s degree in technology management.

I have been lucky to land a good job at a technology expert in a school district. Of course, now days, these jobs like many are being threatened. But I am confident that the education I have received will lead me down whatever path is best for me.

You know, when my dad passed away (I was barely 13 years old), he was working for GIBBS manufacturing in Janesville… they were a subsidy of NASA. They made the first generation of digital timers for the Apollo space program. We now have these timers in everything from your ovens to your cell phones.

I always dreamed that someday I might work for NASA and the space program. Though my life hasn’t turned out quite the way I envisioned… I couldn’t have done any of the good things without Herzing and the great instructors within. I realize that I’m very lucky because the education I have gotten, has made me grow in many ways that can never really be quantized or calculated.

I thank you for allowing me to become a better person and a much more positive force for good in the universe. Thank you so much!