No one ever
forgets the Elephant Man.
Preface:
A writer. Writes. A pundit. Punds. A philosopher ponders. An
editor, ed….s. Fox news makes it up. Kardashian is famous for… being famous
(like their predecessors the dinosaur and Paris Hilton). Politicians screw. Scientists try to explain
the “God Particle”. Rock music, rocks!
Country music… enables alcoholism. Facebook is anti-social. An Actor projects.
An “A-list” Actor gives thanks God when they accept their golden idol statue.
Paper mills close. I-pads and “smart phones”… well, that’s just stupid. And
Stephen King? Well, he just scares the snot out of me.
Shakespeare seems to have single-handedly created all
fictional characterizations (Good vs. Evil. Man vs. The Elements. Man vs.
Himself), and we have been following his lead and re-telling his stories (in
some form or another) in all things media for 500 years. In the United States
alone, there are over 500 major studio movies released each year, 1400
fictional books, novels, and short stories published, 3000 weekly televisions
shows on 900 cable television stations. The newest edition of the English
Language dictionary contains some 45,000 words.
One could easy estimate over 200 trillion words have been
written since the invention of the printing press and even more since first
scribes loosely (in some cases, badly) transcribed the cannons of the Bible
over 1500 years hence.
At some point, one would think that we’ve reached the end.
The end of telling stories. The end of the mystery. The end of wonder. The end
of scientific “fact”. The end of the Internet. The end of all human experience
formed into words.
Let’s face it, we all know: the Butler did it, the G spot
only exists in our heads (um...metaphorically speaking), men love boobies, the
rich get richer, what is true today may not be true tomorrow, the good old days
weren’t always so good, and the light does indeed go out when you shut the
refrigerator door.
A good friend of mine has said that there “are no more
original thoughts”…he obsesses on this. And though he has some evidentiary
evidence of this, I don’t really want to believe him. What would be the point
of this book, then? Indeed, what would be the point in anything? Of course,
this may explain his suicidal tendencies.
There are surprises however. Who knew that in the movie The
Sixth Sense the character himself is a ghost?
Though after
realizing there are two (that’s TWO) remakes of the Disney movie “Snow White”
on the movie screens at this moment, maybe I have to reconsider his rather
drunken hypothesis. Perhaps we have reached the end of human explanation. The facts are pretty bleak, really. We have never
learned from history, though there are millions of books dedicated to it. We
have yet to figure out common sense. We still believe that Christ was born on
December 25th. We believe that UFO’s are
“out there,” and for just “pennies a day,” we can look like the latest 4-inch
waist-ed movie star and we can enlarge our penis to finally satisfy our
seemingly unsatisfied spouses. (I dunno. Maybe just listening would help?)
So why? Why in the name of Zeus would anyone need to write
more words to comment on all these things that we already know to be true? Why,
for example do we linger on the haunting story of Titanic? Hundreds of ships
have sunk to the bottom on the dark waters of Davey Jones (not the singer). Yet
we are captivated by the drama, the bravery, the hubris, the stupidity, and the
human catastrophe that somehow touches us now a hundred years past.
Well, money for one. I have heard that money can buy or at
least rent happiness. I would like to find if that is true. Another is
notoriety. Despite my deteriorating frame, I would like to be thought well of
in my dotage, and finally…in my final passing. “Sure he was a dickhead and had
the head of a melon… but did you read his books?”
Finally, I have found that the writings I’ve done over my
50-ish years have been a catharsis and my own passage to find the truth.
Indeed, it is out there. But, oddly enough you have to find it for yourself.
You will not find your answers in a book, even the good book (sorry, Christians
out there)…you find it in your heart. You find it with experience. You find it
in God (Big G…Your welcome Christians), and your relationship with him.
So, as prescribed, I am no expert on anything. Nothing. Zip.
Nada. But, as was suggested to me once, I just might be a cautionary tale. So, if you want to find out how NOT to live in
a relationship… How NOT to be married; How NOT to lose weight; How NOT to fix a
leaking toilet; How NOT to play guitar; How NOT to spend your money; How NOT to
travel… well, kiddo… I’ve got just the
tome for you.
Of course, It’s not all negatives. Other helpful and
insightful life stories as: How do you kill a zombie, if they are already “the
undead”? Space travel with NASA, and why it’s needed. How to make awesome
heaven-like Potatoeee salad. My versions of endings of certain movies. And why
time is not linear in a local jail.
Enclosed you will find ancient writings from the vaults of
my very Checkered Past… selected poems,
songs, and stories. Diatribes. Song Lists. Romantic intrigue. Political
shenanigans. Simple how to’s. And maybe even an answer or two you might find,
eh? Hidden deep in the forest… it is pretty fertile there.
Well, enlightening. If not, perhaps you will find a bit of
yourselves or people you know here. I hope so.
So, I hope that with this writing, we can finally put a stop
sign on the writings of mankind. The end of all written words from this point.
Ye shall not go past this point in human written existence! The Alpha and
Omega, baby! A period on the end of modern human life. From here on in, we can
move on with a clean slate. And in an orderly fashion.
Let’s look with open eyes and joyful hearts to the future.
