Short Thots...

I haven't really been feeling very well lately. So, I'll leave you with a couple of short thoughts before I head out for the weekend:

Scott Walker. Do I really have to go here? Okay... so, hurrah for him signing all that legislation! Now we can finally purchase beer at 6 am in the morning. Seems to me that a state that is world-renown to have a drinking problem (to be born in Wisconsin, you already have a .08 in blood alcohol content...B.A.C...), we could be concentrating on better efforts. But, give credit where credit is due: Mr. Walker finally did something for the little "peples"... 

Joined a gym: Against my better (financial) judgment, I joined "Anytime Fitness" which is newly built on Hwy 12 along the Baraboo "corr-i-ador." I already have a small "workout" center in my apartment complex. It's nice, if not a little small....which makes for the "workout Nazis" forever populating the place with their compression clothing and their VOS water bottles (wanna-be Californians!).

The new A.F. club is clean, well-lit...great equipment. TV's built right into the treadmills. (whoa!) And most of the "work out Nazis" are far enough away not to mingle breathable airs with the old, fat guy which is me. One thing I have noticed about gyms here in Wisconsin....no one is friendly at all. (Well, the staff are truly helpful...but, I think it's because they want to do well at their jobs)... but all that gruntin' and groanin' must somehow freeze the face from smiling, I guess. Not like going into a bar...of course; too many years of grinning in a tavern is probably one of the biggest reasons I'm at the workout center to begin with...

Piano Lessons: Well, next Monday....I'm going to try for the "21 Club".. my teacher has milestone clubs for her students. The 21 Club is for students that have memorized 21 whole songs for recital. For me, piano lessons have been an incredibly humbling experience... most of these kids (most in Elementary school).. can play rings around the fire-breathing guitarist known as "Dr. Dale".  But, oh... children... I am catching up... slowly... and soon. soon, I will play well enough to do multi- parts of "row row row your boat!" My kung fu is strong!!!

oh... and deer!!! Wholly smoke! who let out the deer!! Every single day now, I have had at least one Odocoileus virginianus run across my path... The one pickup truck hit that was oncoming, hit one just seconds before I would have hit it. Stupid deer.... This year they happen to be way plentiful!!! Be careful out there on the roads. And someone get Governor Walker's "deer czar" (What a stupid name, by the way...) on the line... 
 

Later, kids...

Let’s play: What’s in Dale’s work “satchel” (man-purse, work bag, carry case, brief case)

1- Banana (not too ripe)

1- notebook, distressed. Paper smells old and filled with some loose-leaf papers which include paid bills, sticky notes, mailing labels. Written in the notebook are several cryptic notes from years ago… including half-baked song ideas, windows server 2003 test notes, a midlife crisis song list (one of the times I sat in), and an example of a budget that my son and I discussed (I was trying to help him create a budget a few years ago) … and a grocery list from 2008.

1- 2011 day reminder / calendar / diary. Here, in nearly cryptic form, you can find all my juicy secrets… such as: Workout! 55 mins treadmill. 15 bike. 10 min weights. OR H.O. (short for Hung Over)… You get the idea. Anyway, I love these Paper blank books. Bought this one locally at the Wonderful “Booksmith” store in downtown Baraboo last year. Loved it so much, bought another one this year for 2012.

3- juggling balls / bean bags. Jus’ Cuz…

2- Library Books. My current fictional read: The Omen Machine by Terry Goodkind. And my non-fictional read: Easy slow-cooker meals by Betty Crocker.


2- cell phone AC adapters

2- cell phones. Work phone (I never ever use) and regular Cell (Which I often ignore or leave in my car).

1- bag a Hall’s Cough drops

1- Brush

1- bottle studio-line Invisi-gel hair stuff. Not that it could ever help this mop called hair (I know. I know. Don’t complain!)

1- Sony Cyber-shot camera. Just in case. You never know when ya need an incriminating picture. Blackmail: It’s the wave of the future!


1- Sandwich plastic container. Plus: one sandwich. Laugh all you want, but the little bread-shaped container was the best investment ever! Saved me a ton on plastic bags!


1- Bottle of Zicam cold/flu remedy Tablets. I don’t know what they put in those things…but at the first sniffle or sore throat, you pop a few of these…and the cold goes away. NO KIDDING! Essential if you work in a germ-laden place like a school. Bless those little monsters…


1- pocket full of loose change. Probably enough here to pay one month’s rent. No wonder the stupid bag is so heavy!


4 or 5- thumb-drives. Most of these are loaded with pictures or songs downloaded. But at least one has pretty much all my passwords and digital keys. (don’t worry folks… those are hidden and protected by an encryption algorithm password / response system I wrote myself. The Friggin’ FBI couldn’t unhatch it… )


1- install DVD of Dreamweaver software (oops. I need to return that)


1- USB cable (unknown)


1- AC adapter for external hard drive (I wonder where I left that drive?)


1- baggy with dissembled watch / band. (I really need to fix that watch band someday….really!)


1- “Network Assessment” report (some 56 pages) and School district budget report, in the technology aspect.


1- small jar of Blistex “Lip Medex”

4- sheets blank business cards

1- pack of printed business cards. Some for Checkered Past. Some of “Lonesome Dale’s one nite stand”


4- pens. Some of them work.


1- Pencil. Lead not sharp


Several loose unpaid bills with envelopes.


1- small folder containing the brochures and paperwork for my Paris Trip.


2- US mail first class stamps. Just think, in a few years…no one will ever know what these things were used for…


4- one dollar bills. For lunch today


1- Electronic “Key” for the workout center… which reminds me how badly I need to work out.


Finally: One package of breath mints. Because I hope at some point in my life, I might close enough to a fine young lady to be able to use one.

The Things I'm Thankful For...

 Well, it’s Thanksgiving…  like a lot of folks that write pompadours-ly (new word… See, I can do that too, Sarah Palin!) of the vanishing Holiday of “T-Day” nestled right between the two biggest shopping holidays of the year: Halloween and Christmas. Does kinda make ya wonder if God in heaven has to be shaking his head and saying something like…  “Man, what a bunch of idiots!”

 Thanksgiving, much like it’s Late fall / Early Winter Cousins likes to pretend it’s steeped in “Tradition”… fact of the matter is, we have short memories about a lot of stuff. Tradition is one of them.

 Curse you Norman Rockwell!!!

 It probably wasn’t until after Mr. Rockwell painted those glistening, happy, rapacious scenes of Thanksgiving and Christmas (along with a healthy dose of Charles Dickens whom wrote “A Christmas Carol” as a lark, while trying to raise enough money to pay for his habitués), where we try as hard as we possibly can to live up to the hype. However warped, fictionalized or untrue, we American’s (especially) seemed to have it hard-wired into our psyche that the holy trinity (Halloween, “Black Friday” and Christmas) of Capitalist and emotional  swoon have always been there. And that being “Tradition” we must must must.. live up to it’s expectations!

 Well, I digress a bit… because lost in the shouting, football and television commercials… is the Holiday called Thanksgiving. An anomaly on it’s own. A throwback. A square peg in a round, pagan hole. Though school children (especially my age…) have been taught the holiday was about the Pilgrims and the “Indians” working together and having happy fellowship was itself, a fabrication…  Thanksgiving alone is a good moment, time out, in our busy lives.

 The wonder of Thanksgiving actually lives in it’s name: Thanks and Giving. Wow! Who’d a thunk it? Let’s see the politicians of the age try and use their spin doctors on that. One whole day dedicated to Thanks and to Giving. A moment to stop, re-count and give thanks. We don’t do this enough, I think.

 Thanks is a word that inspires humility, trust, humanity and friendship. A lost art these days for sure… But, it’s a good thing to do even if not in a big family, or in a re-creation of the Rockwell Classic. Just sayin’… 

Hey, thank you! Thanks God. Thank you friends. Thank you family. Thank you loved ones. Thank you next-door neighbor. Thank you lady behind the counter! Thank you snowplow drivers.

It’s also a personal and interpersonal thing: I thank…. Is what a lot of people at this time of the year happen to write… or say. So…. I would like to write that, to signify that right here in space…

 I’m thankful for….

My Life!

 Wouldn’t know that from the teenage years (and a few beyond) of my life. There were nights, dark nights. Dark Thoughts. Dark times. Now those seem as parochial and cowardly as they should be. Having survived serious cancer, it would have been stupid to give up what I fought so hard for during my time of need. How many others have thrown or attempted to throw away a life that seemed (at the time) hopeless?

 My age: A day doesn’t go by recently that I don’t remark on my encroaching age. People tell me I act and look pretty young. I guess that’s a complement, and I’m happy to get a compliment. But it brings with it a question: How old should I look or act? (haha).  I’m finding out that age is really an awesome thing… nothing to be feared really. It’s amazing how perspective, education and experience can calm you. To make peace, or war (if necessary), and to know the difference and the consequences of each.

 It’s a stupid “Viagra” commercial… but, it has a good point: These are the days for getting stuff DONE. Visa vie: you don’t let yourself get too much in the way of yourself anymore. I am thankful for my age. I’m thankful that when things go wrong (as they always do), I can find a suitable “fix” or “end around” or substitute… and go on living my life knowing that the sky really isn’t falling.

 And if someday it does… I’ll meet that challenge (hopefully anyway) head on, and with a glimmer in the eye…

 My friends:  Well.. of course. Though I have probably lost the school-boy need to have real pal-around friends (the guys version of BFF’s), I do enjoy what times I spend with them. My friends in the many bands are a special kind, actually (stop smirking, will you!).  More like brothers-in-arms than palling around friends. The bands are often more like families. We argue, bitch, complain, gossip… but in the end there’s that undeniable bond that is forged on the stage.  Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for the worse. My friends are the guiders of my life. I need them to remind me of my humanity.

 The ladies in my life: I realize I have to tread very softly here… as this has always been a source of contention my whole online life (and probably before that as well). Of all the things I have to work on, it’s my inability to successfully navigate the deep and often stormy seas of women. I’m not about to commit sensual hari kari here…

 I will say that I have been taught so many things from the women that have been in my life. And not just in romantic or sexual ways either. I’ve learned about gardening, cooking, swimming, common sense, electronics, computers, dressing, how to handle money, and the many textures and levels of someone when they say, “I love you.” Sometimes it doesn’t mean what us guys hear it all…. 

 I realize I still have a long way to go, in this respect. And I know that this prolonged period of not having anyone in my life could be for me to learn the difference of alone and together… and to respect and honor that someone when (or if) it becomes my turn to be “together”. I haven’t been very successful in keeping and nurturing a relationship.. perhaps this “little season in hell” will teach me the hard lessons I must learn. And if it never happens, well…  as I’ve learned before… doesn’t mean the sky has really fallen.

 Work: I’ve never understood why some people place such demands on themselves at work. And I’ve never really been a big proponent of HARD LABOR. But there is something that is cleansing and righteous about working hard and making a difference. I’ve been blessed with a job that is not very physically demanding (probably why I’m sooooo out of shape.. haha), but most days it’s a joy to behold and helping people out just really makes all the “good gears” in my soul spin and sing.

 Balance and Moderation: On the other hand… too much of anything… and I mean ANYTHING is a bad thing. Too much work can be a bad thing. Too much money, alcohol, sex, exercise, water, meat, loud music, Mike (sorry.. couldn’t resist Mike) is always bad because without some sort of balance, we can never appreciate those things which we have. If you only have black and white in your life, how can you ever appreciate the colors?

 Family: I don’t have much of a family really. A small one at that. My son I would love to see more often. I’ve been told that it’s natural…and maybe someday around his 30’s he’ll begin to see “dad” a little more often. I hope so.

 Also I don’t see much of the rest of my relatives… I suppose it’s my fault, and I’m hoping somehow to overcome my shyness and find a way to get together with them more often than I do.

One thing I do now appreciate and am thankful for though I would say a long time late: Is my parents. I wish I could have honored them more when they were alive. I miss them, and I think I understand them now more that I’ve had to live my life a little more like them.

 God:  He and I have had quite the trip together so far. I'm glad that he's here with me. You can dis-believe or "yeah, whatever." as much as you like.. but, in my very lonely life... my co-pilot has often been God. I know it don't make sense for a guy so rooted in science and technology as I appear to be, to believe in something sooooo.....oh, old. Or something that seems out of fashion. But, I believe in a loving, living, laughing God...  Nothing else really makes sense to me... otherwise.. what was the point of anything? I'm thankful that he listens to me, in my silly rants... he must feel awful for me when I've cried on my kitchen floor... begged him for just one more chance... or asked him for someone to share my heart, please.  His silence can be sometimes so aggravating... but I have seen him in all the wonders of the world.. and once.. just for a moment, felt his touch on my heart. More than anything, I am thankful for that. 

 Finally: Health. Light. Food. Laughter. And the people that figured out you can actually put wine into a box.

 Have a Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!!!

Madman Behind the Wheel...

"Gotta monkey on my tailpipe ridin' my tail

I can see his smug pug chug face

He seems to like it bumper to bumper...

He thinks I'm pole position in a NASCAR Race..." (Race to the Redlight: song written by D.E.G) 

 NASCAR:  Now, before you get all snippy with me, let me say that I love NASCAR as much as the next all-American Redneck, beer drinkin' Packers fan. BUT... I'm blaming it on them. The Drivers. NASCAR.

It's just because they must all watch NASCAR. Cars speeding around the track all in one long line of cars bumper to bumper.

I'm talking about that infernal way that most drivers out there sit on your tail in some sort of effort to move you along a little faster on the highway. It is just one more little stressor in a world of teeth-grinding stressors. Okay, chum... the speed limit here along Country Highway D-eer is 55, but because I'm in a hurry too...I'm pushing 59. And you're still on my bumper! Why?

Okay... so, you're arrival time is incredibility more important than either one of our lives, so I'm going to slow up and allow you to pass me.

Go ahead...........Really. Please. Go on.... 

Honest. I won't think of it as a put down (Unless, of course you drive a new BMW or a Hummer... pretentious bastards!).

Here comes a nice long stretch of passing zone for your comfort and joy.

Really! Go ahead! Well, for cryin' out loud... okay, I'll slow up a little more. There ya go. Have at it!

REALLY. PLEASE!!!!

Then it dawns on me that the jerk behind me has no intention of passing or slowing up or doing anything remotely human...and like the monkey he is (or as most often the case....she), just wants to collect the breezes off the bumper of my car.

Hasn't anyone ever seen those movies in Driving class? The one that shows exactly how long it takes to stop a moving vehicle driving at highway speeds? You weren't asleep during those horrific movies, were you? On idyllic road conditions (not like the ones here on County Highway Deer)...it takes about 450feet or longer than a football field to stop your 2 ton ballistic automobile made of metal and plastic. Not even long enough for a prayer or barely enough to get out a good....."OH....SH*T!!!"

Now, does that make you back off a little? Eh? no?? NO?

I guess the prevailing thought here is, that by extreme tailgating ....the car in front will be "guilt-ed" or goaded into driving faster therefore negating the use of the pass. Monkey woman (or man)... you have no idea how bull stubborn and hard nosed I can be. I will NOT go faster for your convenience!

In fact, I plan on slowing down to a infuriating 52 MPH, just for your IN-convenience! Take That, you ol' muffler snuffer you!!!!

It has now turned into a full-blown war of monkey drivers.

Eventually, the road rage war is quickly put out by the driver either turning off the highway or they finally give up the ghost by passing (Paper, Scissors, Rock....sorry, Mr. Rock always wins in that scenario) ...usually at hyperbolic speeds whilst hoisting the universal sign of disrespect out their window. Alas, the final thought I have is: "Hope I see you in the ditch someplace...or I hope a cop with his radar is sitting right on the other side of that hill."

I don't really mean it, of course. Not really. Okay....now, all relax. Breathe out. Yesssssssss. Okay... all is ZEN again.....

Until the next monkey driver suddenly appears larger than life in my rearview mirror. You can just see it in his face, "Oh, Cripes not ANOTHER slow driver!!!"

Finis:

PS. I've happen to notice this behavior is also on display at your local Walmart and grocery stores as you are standing in line. This further exemplifies NASCAR behavior.

As the large family with their 8 screeching kids are now standing 1.5 centimeters away from me while I'm opening my checkbook, waiting in the checkout. The husband forgot to wear deodorant today, but his wife makes up for it with just a whiff...cough... of Summer's Eve. And Oh.... Isn't that nice? Their precious little 10 year old just sneezed on my groceries... 

In the immortal words of  Buggs Bunny: "Stop steaming up my tail!!"

In the immortal words of Yosemite Sam on mud-flaps all across America: "Back off!"

In the immortal words of nearly every detective in any murder mystery: "Okay. Everybody get back. Give him some breathing room! Cmon...back up."

Finally, in the immortal words of John Lennon and Paul McCartney: "Get back!"  

Another Random Writing meaning something to me... From July 2010

(Edited from a writing I did originally about Shirley Sharrod...look it up in history, eh? In July 2010...but I think it still makes sense today). 

How we got here: Put er’ in the microwave.

We can blame the stall in race relations if we want to. But, there is great evidence to the contrary. Nearly everywhere in our culture, our races are mixing and working together more than in any other time in history. We have a black President, for cryin’ out loud! That has to say something!

I happen to think it’s something more systemic, more evil, more cynical, and more clandestine than we want to talk about. It’s all about the microwave. Yep.

The microwave was originally invented in the mid-1940s as an offshoot of a radar project. Code-named “The Speedy Weenie Project,” Dr. Percy Spencer found a new way of cooking a hot dog. From there….and years later came the “RadarRange”.  By 1976 Microwave ovens were more commonplace than ovens in America’s kitchens.

Why am I blaming the whole (mess we're in) debacle on the microwave?

The microwave and many other technical inventions over the last 120 years have aimed to improve our lives by providing fast, efficient ways to do mundane and everyday tasks. One no longer needed to slave over a hot oven for hours at a time to provide food for the family. Microwave meals, and fast food have taken over feeding time for you and me.

It now takes minutes to prepare a meal. However, that meal now contains overwhelming amounts of sodium, preservatives, fat, triglycerides, and other chemicals. More Americans than before are suffering from overweight, obesity, high blood pressure, and diabetes. The “family meal” is now replaced by eating on the run. In other words, in the name of saving time and convenience, we are killing our families and ourselves. But, even worse than that…we have become a nation of impatient, rude, shallow people.

We want everything like we want our microwave meals.  Fast, hot…not terribly satisfying, convenient, and wrapped tightly in a little package that’s easy to open, use and throw away.

And I mean, everything. Not just food. Everything. Relationships. Entertainment. Adventure. Books. Education. Friendships. Business. Love. Sex. Movies. Hunger. Unemployment. Poverty. War. Everything. We want it now. Wrap that up…it is a done deal! Next problem.

And you see there is where the basic problem lies. Some things in the human experience are not meant to be “consumables.” Some problems cannot be overcome by just snapping your fingers, throwing money at it, or “throwing the bums out.”

What is happening in the gulf was a terrible tragedy; one that only we greedy, ignorant, stupid humans could possibly inflict upon our own world. Yet, for all that we know about how dangerous it is to drill deep oil wells in the ocean… we continue and will continue to drill. Just the thought of gas prices climbing sends our volatile and already disengaged markets into a panic. I’ve said it before…thousands of people die in an earthquake… and for us, that’s “too bad” we may possibly dig into our pockets for a fin to send over there… but, if gas were to ever go over 4.00 dollars a gallon, there would be panic.

And yet, for all our knowledge… we have yet to learn from any of our mistakes. We continue to strive for a life of leisure, convenience, pampered and entitled to what the world owes us. Even our kids have caught our affliction. As many of us confused parents have wondered out loud, “how can afford to buy the kids the (BLANK) they want for Christmas?”

We extend that need for speed and apply it to all of life’s nooks and crannies. Shortcuts to everything.  Every relationship must be geared and manufactured to provide maximum pleasure, minimal intrusion and constant adorations.

Unemployed? Ahhh…too bad, send me a check!

Sex? They have machines for that nowadays that are nearly as good as “the real thing” (or so I’ve heard)..

Education? Hey you don’t to bother with all that study study stuff… just send us a check, we’ll send you a diploma. You don’t know how to learn anything… but you don’t need to… just have that piece of paper that says, “Yes! I am S.M.A.R.T!!” 

Politics. Well, we know we want change. But, you see…. I don’t want to have to change. I just want to change my neighbors who are annoying and lazy and not “like us.”

(RIGHT) Well, if you damned Liberals would shut up and stop supporting Obamacare and his socialist, Marxist, communist leanings…. And we impeached him… and finally elect Sarah to her rightful place as head grizzly mom of our great nation which our soldiers spilt their blood trying to defend against you gay, leftist commies….

(LEFT) No, no no!! It’s all because of G.W. that we’re in the mess to begin with!! My gosh, are you not blind? If we wouldn’t have made those tax cuts to the wealthiest oil-rich barrons… we would finally have labor unions back and our country back at work!

Etcetera, Etcetera, Etcetera…  

The problem is, we live in a microwave world where we put upon ourselves the weight of the world and have grown deaf to the real problems in the world. The ones that require vigilance, sufferance, patience. We have forgotten the good fight. To fight for right. To fight for freedom. To fight for love. To find for understanding. To fight for those who cannot fight. To fight for the kids. To fight for the victims. To fight for truth and justice and honor. 

This is the teachable moment: Learn to live the good life. Do no harm. Keep your mouth shut and your ears open. Listen to what other people have to say. Learn what you can from all those around you with something meaningful to say. Learn to hear things outside your belief structure.

Or, at our peril:

“You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?” (John Milton…AKA Lucifer in The Devil’s Advocate) 

slow cooker Apple Bread Pudding

Okay...
Off the beaten path. But, as I was rather sick on Thursday and Friday of this week... I did get a chance (after sleeping some 22 hours to kill off my awful cold) to watch daytime TV. Most of it (still) is worthless.. even less than the prime time viewing. Most of it is all "Judge Judy" types or Maury Povich-type wanna be's. Sad, mostly.

But, I did catch what used to be a staple for me when I was a little kid... channel 3's news at noon. When I was just a kid during the summer... I would wake up around 10am. wank around for an 1/2 hour or so.. then catch Match Game... The dating game....and the Newlywed game (With host, hair-sprayed Bob Eubanks) The news at noon was the last thing I watched before mounting my faithful 5-speed bike to ride to the Reedsburg swimming pool; which from June first to the first day of school, opened at 1pm sharp.

Well, about the only thing that survived the years was the channel 3 news at noon. And it was nice (in my misery on the couch) to catch the familiar program. One of the segments is a recipe from "Mr. Food"...who by now has to be reaching geriatric status, I would think.

And after checking out one of his latest "best of" recipes... I decided to check out the online version.. and see if I couldn't manage to produce it. Wow...  I've got to say that it was a very aroma-ish and tasty success!

Here's a picture of my finished project (ala mode)...  and a link to give it a try yourself. It's easy... pretty cheap... and well... a little like apple heaven. LOL.

http://www.mrfood.com/Slow-Cooker-Recipes/Slow-Cooker-Apple-Bread-Pudding

My Letter to the Editor 11 11 2011

This is my ongoing letter to the editor campaign...  to stamp down ignorance in the media. For me, it's one thing to write inflaming things as letters to the editor.. that is the public's right and duty... but quite another to be paid to do such. As I will follow up in another post I am working on: There is nothing that informs or entertains about the the new breed of newspaper columnists... they write solely based on their own emotions on subjects they have little (or no) experience... and essentially write to inflame and divide the public. 

I have no idea if it was ever published in the State Journal. 

Dear Editor,

With jugheads like Chris Rickert writing about teacher’s evaluation tied to performance, I have to wonder if such pundits (who do nothing but pund all day) have any real qualifications to write about anything other than finding home row on their keyboards. Why, trained monkeys could do that job! In fact, I’m certain some do.  

If I were a teacher in Wisconsin, I would proceed to throw up my hands in disgust and tell all the students in my class, “Okay.. everyone gets an A. Class dismissed!” It’s a good thing I’m not a teacher. And one wonders what they (teachers) had done to poor Mr. Rickert to warrant such resentment. Failed him in journalism class?

Well, perhaps he has a point after all. Should not all workers be paid for their “performance?” I know the newspaper industry has also fallen on hard times. They are looking to cut costs just like everyone. Perhaps newspaper “pundits” should be paid in this way as well.

The newspaper’s online division could set up a like-dislike button and depending on how many positive responses; this would be used to pay a percentage of the commentators’ salary.  A pass/fail system on how well Mr. Rickert writes his column would be a dandy cost-saving measure for the State Journal. Too many negative reviews from his readers, and he stands in the soup lines with the rest of us.

Hey, no need to thank me. You’re welcome. 

From Feb 9th, 2009 (Moving it from FB)

That's the last time I werk with shumone wid a shpeech impediment!

VEERY NIICE!

What a revoltin' development!

Where men are men...and sheep are afraid.

I miss you.. but at this range, my aim is bound to get betta...

Hey, I know a coupla guys... (spoken like a mobster)

I had a great night... but this wasn't it...

I'm here all week... try the veal!

I can't see sh*t....

I'm never late... I was detained...

I don't practice.... I rehearse!

I'm just a big mac guy in a sirloin steak world..

I tellya I get no respect...

Why I autta....

LUCY!!!!! You gotta lotta e'splainin' to do!!!

My fadda was a gorrilla.

Anyways......

I'm so horny my hair hurts!

Hunny, I think you're sitting on a gold mine...

I don't have to be a Doctor, to know I losegin me patience... (spoken like Popeye)

I'll go get you a towel...

You should be kissed often...and by someone who knows how.. (stolen from GWTW)

So, they loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly.... Hills that is...

Sure. I play guitar for a gizzillion years... then I play it with a beer bottle... and that's the thing they remember.....

I'm working on my "porno music"... wakka wakka dinga dinga wah wah..

Ah, fer cryin' out loud!!!!

Mightya have a wee bit of the whiskey? The sun is so hot on me pate and I be a poor lad that is parched...

Starvin' Marvin'...

And my all time favorite: F**K ME!!

From January 27th, 2009 (moving stuff from FB)

The Dating Game: Without dispersing too many painful details, suffice it to say that: I never thought I would end up as “Rose Marie” on the Dick Van Dike Show. For those of you elder enough (??) to remember the classic 60’s TV sitcom, Rose Marie was the eternally single woman with a heart of gold, great talent, but a big mouth. Yup, that’s me. (Minus the woman part…um…you know)

Or maybe more like: Have you ever heard the expression, “Jack of all trades. Master of none?” Perhaps that might be more of an explanation of my continuing failure to find a suitable mate. But the last several years have produced an ever-expanding cadre of women who would run over me with a tractor than see me again. That said, I find it harder and harder as the years go by, to find a woman of quality that:

1. Is not wanted by the law
2. Is not a practicing porn actress
3. Does not have major ex-husband issues
4. Can use the word “men” without spitting on the ground
5. Has some ability to use the English language without the repeated F word
6. Is not practicing clandestine chemistry experiments on herself
7. Has the ability to stand on her own two feet when it comes to economics, social settings and physically (In other words, not so drunk she can’t stand up).

I know it is asking a lot in these days. And I know that I’m no prize buffalo either. I am not rich or tall or handsome (in the traditional sense) or even well-read. But surely there has to be someone out there with me in mind. Someone?

Of course, some of this I believe is laziness on my part. Frankly, right now trying to find a girl is running a good second to lounging in my chair in front of the fireplace, with a good book (or a good old movie) and a cold glass of wine.

I am some mind that it could be a multi-personality thing I’ve always had going on. By day, I’m a computer geek (complete with Star Trek regalia). By night, I’m a homebody. And then on the weekends, a full-blown rock star…complete with groupies and roadies. I guess that would be pretty hard for anyone to live with.

I will say this much; I have noticed lately that I have been recently attracted to some women with graying hair…. I’m not sure what that means. Haha.