Tuesday, October 12, 2021

 Excerpt from "The Kiss at the End of the World"  

Chapter 40 - Mars Base Freedom

Commander William Tahoe had taken his chief engineer aside

“Okay, you’ve been grousing around for the several days here. Now, I’d like to know what your problem is, Grief. Out with it.”

“Sir, I cannot until I am sure of my data,” Grief wiped his nose with his ever-present hanky, and back into the back pocket it goes.

“Come on, out with it. Damn it man, I’ve known you for thirty-five years. I know when something is up in that little engineer head of yours. Now, spill it.”

“Sir, I cannot be sure…”

“Grief, this is an order.”

 “Okay, then. Sir, it is this report I’ve been checking over from logistics.”

“Yes, so? We went over that. We seem to be sitting pretty, as far as resources go.”

“That’s the problem, sir. The numbers…”

William looked back down at his tablet, as another message flashed across the screen. This one about pressure fronts from the Martian weather. Bored, he said, “Yes. The numbers. They can’t be too far off, right?”

Grief grabbed his arm and said, “Sir, from what I can tell they are way off.”

This stopped the Commander cold, “What? We went over all logistics several times already. Everything looks good. Food reserves; water; air recirculation, all look good for as long as we have to remain here. We can stay here forever, right?”

“Commander, what were the original compliment of settlers here at Freedom base?”

“You know as well as I do. You were with us. Four hundred of the heartiest souls to ever live.”

“And how many joined us in the next waves of ships?”

“You know all this too. Three waves of ships delivered two hundred more souls.”

“Any more?”

“Yes, we’ve had fourteen engineers join us. Regrettably, three accidental deaths. One dozen that have been, shipped back to earth, also regrettably. Oh, and one new, healthy baby boy born just a few days ago.”

“Right. I read that as a total of five hundred and ninety nine people in which live upon our little island here.”

“Okay, go on.”

“The numbers that we have been crunching have been derived from the original four hundred original settlers. Not the nearly six hundred here now. And certainly not including those that will hopefully join us from the ISSB.”

“Oh? Are you sure?”

“No, I’m not commander. That’s what I said. But this is what I can gather from these numbers I’ve been crunching the past several days.”

“Well, that is bad. We’ll have to figure out a way to get by with less, I guess,” he started to turn away.

“But this is not the worst problem, commander.”

“Damn it, man. There’s more?”

“I’m afraid it’s much worse than that, sir.”

Blarney now had the commander’s full attention, as he stared at him with absolute dread, “Go ahead.”

“As you know, Commander, the Mars atmosphere is very unforgiving. On earth, there is the atmosphere which protects us from the worst radiation. Here on Mars, we are not only shielded, but also underground, so our water and food resources are protected.”

“Yes. Years of research was done on this and it was determined that we could reside here with no injurious affects from the radiation topside.”

“Yes. Yes. And for how long?”

“What in the hell are you getting at, Grief?”

“I’ve been running these numbers too, and they don’t look good.”

“Okay. Which numbers?”

“Well, sir, I have been using the Sieverts sliding Scale for long-term low-level radiation exposure. You see, a modern CT scan would probably expose you to less than 10 Millisieverts. Our daily input here, even under the ground with full shielding gives us about half that. The worst exposure is in the one thousand range.”

“Okay, I see what you’re saying.”

“Over time, that scale slides upwards. 5 Millisieverts per year for, well, say a hundred years has a cumulative effect of around half of the worst. So, in one generation of living here, we could all die of radiation sickness and cancers.”

“We, or our progeny may be stuck here for hundreds of years, Grief. How the hell does that configure?”

“It doesn’t, sir.”

“Is there anything we can do to now to mitigate this?”

“Probably not. Of course, if you could create a massive electromagnetic atmosphere to completely surround us, or the planet, we could probably adapt to stay here forever.”

 “Anything else sunshine? What do you suggest, then?”

“Pray, sir. Pray the Earth is not burnt beyond redemption and we may be able to visit her in a few decades, or less.”

“Okay, Grief. You are hereby ordered to take two days off. Keep off from any sort of networking until I tell you, it’s okay.”

“What, sir?”

“Is there anything we can reasonably do right now to change this?”

“Not really, sir.”

“Exactly! Grief, we are now living in extraordinary circumstances. We’ve all lost loved ones, family and friends. Hell, everything we ever knew is now taken from us. So, Chief Blarney I order you to relax and take two days off. I will keep you informed if there are any crucial and immediate developments.”
“But…”

“No buts, Grief. Forty eight hours. And if I see you anywhere near engineering, I’ll personally throw you in the brig. Understand?”

The big guy got a saddened look on his face, like he just lost his best friend.

The Commander repeated, “Understand?”

Blarney reached to his back pocket, pulled out his hanky and blew his nose, as an acknowledgement. Then, suddenly his face brightened considerably. He looked up at the Commander and said, “Well, okay then. There is a whole set of engineering manuals that I’ve been aching to get to but have been too busy. I’ll see you in a couple, Commander.”

William shook his head, as his head engineer hurried off to his quarters. He started to walk the other way down the corridor, when an engineer’s assistant passed him, and he grabbed the young man by the arm, “What’s your name, ensign?”

“Woodruff, Sir.”

“Well, Woodruff. Please do me a great favor; in my cabin behind the book cabinet there are two bottles of Bourbon Whiskey. Please take these, and send one to Head Engineer, Grief Blarney in his room. The other one you may enjoy with your mates. Please do not drink on the job. Got that Woodruff?”

“Yes, sir. But, sir? I do not drink.”

“Well, good for you. You’ll live longer. And, I predict you will be very popular with your friends for the evening. Now, scat.”

“Yes, sir!” The ensign scurries off the same direction that Grief headed.

The Commander shook his head and though he felt good, he knew that his friend and Engineer was probably right. They were absolutely doomed.

Tuesday, September 7, 2021

 The meeting: This is based on a story told to me about a hard-working guy that I know, just trying to get by when his micro-manager boss decides to call him on the carpet for the latest infraction of his overreaching rules. Any resemblance to others living or dead, is purely coincidental.

 Boss: “Well, I’m looking to hear why you did not do those first four trouble tickets in the queue.”

Me: “I don’t know, boss. I don’t have an explanation. We have been really busy, if you haven’t noticed. And the one other boss lady told me to put her in front of the line for tickets. In my defense, we’ve had only half of the tickets this year, compared to last. Isn’t that something?”

Boss: “Yes, but you take twice the amount of time to do any ticket compared to your co-worker. Why is that?”

Me. “Again, I do not know. I did not know how to do some of this stuff, so I was learning on the fly.”


Boss: “Have you not had training? I recall paying for lots of training of the past couple of years.”

Me: “Yes, that’s true but…”

Boss: “But nothing. If you were having trouble you should have asked for help. Co-worker managed all of that while finishing all of the tickets he was assigned.”

Me: “Well actually, he has the same number of tickets I have now.”

Co-worker looks up from his phone that he has been staring at during the entire exchange… “That’s true, we both have the same number of tickets.”

Boss: “Don’t correct me.” Turns back to me: “I want nightly updates from you about every ticket you do from now on. I want a detailed description of each and every issue, when you accessed the ticket, who you spoke with and what steps you took to resolve the issue.”

Me: “But, that is going to take more time away from actually doing the work.”

Boss: “I don’t care. I don’t want to be caught unawares again.”

 

How I wish it would go:

Me: “Look, boss. I’m paying off one of my two credit cards in two weeks. In two more I’ll pay off my second card. After that, all I have left in debt is my school loans. God willing and the cricks don’t rise, by February I pay them off. Then, I don’t own a soul on this planet one single little cent, other than my monthly bills. Then, I save, save, save and I’ll enter my sixty-third year of life with a good ten grand in the bank.”

Me: “If my ticker holds out, my car holds out, my relationship holds out, and my job holds out…all of which are hanging by a string…I’ll retire and buy the fuckin’ RV and I’ll be saying an adieu to you and you and you and you. I’ll be leaving this bullshit so far behind, and so fast it’ll make your head spin.”

Me: “Now, until then, I’m going to play your little games to make you feel like a big man, much bigger than you deserve to be. So, until then, unless you have some objection and would like to write me up now, I’ve got work I’ve got to get to.”

How it would probably go:

ME: “Okay, I guess we’ll do whatever we can to make that work….” 

Boss: “Okay, then. Let’s get to work.” He gets up from his chair to leave.

Co-worker again looks up from the phone, “Yeah. I have to run to one of the other buildings to do some things. I’ll come with you.” Co-worker stands up and follows boss out the door.

End.

Sunday, July 25, 2021

Aged Cheese

Life Lessons from an old and stupid man

 

Chapter one: Wear the Condom

Love and other diseases

The ONE

Old movies and Alone-ness

Finding your Balance / Finding yourself

 

Chapter two: The state of the stupid world

Stupid little people

Traffic

Government

Taxes

 

Chapter three: I’ve got the Music in me

 

Chapter Four: Negatives and Positives

 

Chapter five: Drinking problem

Alcoholism’s

Old Style, bowling and cigarettes

DUI’s and the incarceration shuffle…

 

Chapter Six: Stupid Politics

What’s the real difference between democrats and Republicans? Well, Democrats will tax you, take all your money, and give it to everyone; whether they need it or not. Now Republicans, they will never raise your taxes. But they will raise what they call “user fees,” take all your money, and give it to their rich friends. In the end, it doesn’t matter which side you are on, they will take all your money. DEG 2020

 

Chapter Seven: Oh, my aching… Medical woes

Plaque Psoriasis and Skin Changes

The BIG E-D

Gimmie a head with hair (or lack thereof)

Care of Colon

Doctors, Tests and Checkups, oh my!

If I only had a heart…

Lastly, keeping sharp – brain-wise

 

Chapter Eight: The Money Shot

How do you spell love? MONEY

Keeping up with the Jones’s

Saving vs. Spending

 

Chapter Nine: Stupid bosses and crappy jobs

The Peter Principle Revisited

Stupid politics (part 2)

PROCEDURES – YOU MUST HAVE PROCEDURES

The sharks in your office

Technologies – living the life of a “fixer.”

Where it all went wrong

 

Chapter Ten: Retirement

A primer for a lot of documents that will not make any sense

Dreams and dreamers

Saying goodbye.

 

Chapter Eleven: The Big Sleep

Death. Let’s talk about it.

Religion. God. And Faith.

 

Chapter Eleven: My conclusions.

Sex and Love

People

Alcohol and drugs

Politics

Medicine

Money

Working

Retirement

Death.

Wednesday, July 14, 2021

 

Aged Cheese

Lessons of life from an Old and Stupid Man

 

Preface:

My only son and I do not talk like we should. He’s over thirty years old now, and successful in his life. For some reason, it often feels difficult to reach out to him. He rarely calls me or stops over to say hello. I know that he has a busy life with his career, super-woman wife and dogs to attend. It’s a complaint I hear often from many men at my age, and in my position. The Cat’s in the Cradle, you know?

His mother is gone. She died several years ago from cancer. Her and I were cordial to each other, after the initial years after the divorce. At first, we got along for the kids’ sake. Later on, it felt like we were a couple of war veterans with a long history of battle in the trenches. We forgave each other, and that made it easier to talk like adults. So few of you do that.

My son could always talk to his mom. I learned of the real son mostly through her. He would call her and tell her all the rough patches he went through in his life. Whenever I speak to him it was, and still is, “Ah, everything’s fine, Pops. No worries.”

Now, I’ve lived enough of my life to know that not everything is fine. I know. His mom told me that he looks up to me, and does not want to disappoint me. Rare is the instance he confided to me his fears and dreams. I’ve tried to tell him that regardless of what he does, I’m proud as I can be of him. Still, it would be nice to have a deep conversation about the real things of life.

What makes a man a man? Why is love so flippant? Why is money so easy for some, and so hard for others? What is the nature of God and the universe? What is our purpose here in life? Is it really all about making money, and having the nicest toys when we expire?

I’ve had conversations like this with too few of my male friends. Some have surprised me with their insights. Some, I am convinced are full-on conspiracy nuts ready to storm the Capital again. But, at least they were interesting and chock-full of interesting ideas. That’s what I mean by real conversations.

All too many of my male friends resort to the tried and true male grunting known as guy-speak. Such examples are: “Yeah, look at the cans on that MILF! I’d look really good on her…” Or, “How about those Packers?”

I have certainly tried to regale my son with frank stories of my past. Lord knows, I’ve probably repeated many of them, and probably will here too. From these, I hope he takes bits and pieces of knowledge about real life. Or if not that, at least a cautionary tale of how not to live. He laughs (along with me) about my misfortunes and miscalculations. But, there in the heart of these stories are true heartache, and redemption.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.” In just sixty-some years, I think I’ve finally learned to live a life. It has certainly not been without its’ divots. I still struggle with life’s ups and downs, even when I should be shrugging at it all and saying, “Yeah. So Fucking What?” 

Well, as a gift to my son… and to all the sons and daughters out there, I’ve decided to give this compendium of life lessons and opinions. Granted, these are from my point of view. As Groucho Marx once quipped, “Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.” But, maybe. Just maybe someone might read these stories and writings and take away something important from them.

I have written down the sum total of what I have learned so far in my life. Take it as you may. Laugh at the jokes, feel bad for the stupid author. He is obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed. Yet, the fool may have something to teach us all. After all, it was a game that kept death at bay in the movie, “The Seventh Seal.”

Do you want to play a game?

Sunday, May 23, 2021

Couple-ers. THE CAR.

 Couple-ers. 

 Okay, let’s talk about THE CAR. I know she loves THE CAR, probably more than anything else on this earth… except maybe her daughter. A 1991 Ford Mustang 5.0 V8 – Black as night. Nice ride. But, I don’t think I would tell her that, now. Oh, I love the car too…. It’s hard not to. The thing is from another era… gas, oil, rock n’ roll, burn out competitions. You know? I have a certain kinship with that era, as that’s where I came from… certainly more so than she ever did. 

She’s younger than me… by some amount of years, I must say. Hers was the era of big hair rock….  OZZY! And hard rock band names like TOOL… and SHED…. And RAKE… and BLOODYGUTSRIPPEDOUT.  Here too, I have a certain kinship.. after all, what self-respecting rock musician hasn’t played Ratt’s Round and Round? Or Crazy Train?

Still, it’s all about the friggin’ car. Of course, I get to hear (over and over again) about the stories where her and her ex-hubby purchased their Mustangs together… ah, sweet love in youth. Well, he had to sell his for one reason or another… and yet, the black ‘Tang rules this roost.

She has a regular, daily driver, so this makes her an admiral with two automobiles within her fleet. I, on the other hand just own one vehicle. We have one parking spot in front of our apartment, and one spot in the Garage. She also has a storage shed where she keeps the Mustang in hibernation over the winter months. That means in early April the beast comes out and stays parked in the Garage.

She parks her truck in the parking stall, car in the garage… leaving me and my little mini to fend for ourselves in the wild. We did strike up a deal where my car at least gets some egress in front of the apartment. Yet, the beast now rules the Garage area from now until late October.

The car itself is in some dire QT, as the doors don’t entirely latch, the left front headlight is out. Normally, an easy FORD fix.. but, these are not your stock headlights, no. These are special HID or “xenon” lights, installed by a “best friend of an Uncle of a brother’s friend who knew how to do these things…” AH, I see.

So, no headlight on the passenger side.

“Yeah, I gotta get that fixed someday…” Well, again I have a more-than-nodding-acquaintance with that expression. I understand.

The beast rumbles like a tiger, which is exciting of course. As long as you don’t have to ride too far or too fast in it. And of course, the appreciative looks from people walking or riding by gives one that Rock Star feeling….  “OOOH, Nice car!” they exclaim. She gets a look on her face, like that of many of the smug lead singers (no, not like me) get when they are loved by the crowd. “Thank you,” she says. What she means is “F--- yah!” and then she squeals around the corner.

Of course, there are the oil/gas/water leaks that happen invariably. This does not sit well with the landlady.. always on the lookout for potential “spills” – which they will charge you for any found. (Or, so they say).  It’s all because life and acreage is taken up by THE CAR.

There are the roads in which she will not drive (TOO BUMPY!), which means that to get from A to B requires a maze-like roundabout way to get to any destination. All the while, she is complaining about everyone’s driving.

All in all, it’s another one of those “extras” one gets to have in a relationship – The Girlfriend (s) from the past in which she must tell every.single.thing. (“Oh? Then he just rolls over? Really?”) and the family (mega-family with mult-branches) and the little patio baubles that light up (of course). The Mustang will forever haunt my nightmares, much like the Christine before her (UGH, I could hear her say… THAT’S a MOPAR product!)… but, I get it.

She would say, “AND HOW MANY GUITARS DO YOU HAVE?”  and I would have to agree that my little “hobby” (It’s not a friggin’ HOBBY!) is at least as expensive as hers. I remind myself it’s a better thing than hanging out in bars, or gambling. And it is nice to have folks notice when we drive by (the old Rock Star in me)… but just once, just once I wish she would let me drive the thing.