That's the last time I werk with shumone wid a shpeech impediment!
VEERY NIICE!
What a revoltin' development!
Where men are men...and sheep are afraid.
I miss you.. but at this range, my aim is bound to get betta...
Hey, I know a coupla guys... (spoken like a mobster)
I had a great night... but this wasn't it...
I'm here all week... try the veal!
I can't see sh*t....
I'm never late... I was detained...
I don't practice.... I rehearse!
I'm just a big mac guy in a sirloin steak world..
I tellya I get no respect...
Why I autta....
LUCY!!!!! You gotta lotta e'splainin' to do!!!
My fadda was a gorrilla.
Anyways......
I'm so horny my hair hurts!
Hunny, I think you're sitting on a gold mine...
I don't have to be a Doctor, to know I losegin me patience... (spoken like Popeye)
I'll go get you a towel...
You should be kissed often...and by someone who knows how.. (stolen from GWTW)
So, they loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly.... Hills that is...
Sure. I play guitar for a gizzillion years... then I play it with a beer bottle... and that's the thing they remember.....
I'm working on my "porno music"... wakka wakka dinga dinga wah wah..
Ah, fer cryin' out loud!!!!
Mightya have a wee bit of the whiskey? The sun is so hot on me pate and I be a poor lad that is parched...
Starvin' Marvin'...
And my all time favorite: F**K ME!!
Friday, April 22, 2011
From January 27th, 2009 (moving stuff from FB)
The Dating Game: Without dispersing too many painful details, suffice it to say that: I never thought I would end up as “Rose Marie” on the Dick Van Dike Show. For those of you elder enough (??) to remember the classic 60’s TV sitcom, Rose Marie was the eternally single woman with a heart of gold, great talent, but a big mouth. Yup, that’s me. (Minus the woman part…um…you know)
Or maybe more like: Have you ever heard the expression, “Jack of all trades. Master of none?” Perhaps that might be more of an explanation of my continuing failure to find a suitable mate. But the last several years have produced an ever-expanding cadre of women who would run over me with a tractor than see me again. That said, I find it harder and harder as the years go by, to find a woman of quality that:
1. Is not wanted by the law
2. Is not a practicing porn actress
3. Does not have major ex-husband issues
4. Can use the word “men” without spitting on the ground
5. Has some ability to use the English language without the repeated F word
6. Is not practicing clandestine chemistry experiments on herself
7. Has the ability to stand on her own two feet when it comes to economics, social settings and physically (In other words, not so drunk she can’t stand up).
I know it is asking a lot in these days. And I know that I’m no prize buffalo either. I am not rich or tall or handsome (in the traditional sense) or even well-read. But surely there has to be someone out there with me in mind. Someone?
Of course, some of this I believe is laziness on my part. Frankly, right now trying to find a girl is running a good second to lounging in my chair in front of the fireplace, with a good book (or a good old movie) and a cold glass of wine.
I am some mind that it could be a multi-personality thing I’ve always had going on. By day, I’m a computer geek (complete with Star Trek regalia). By night, I’m a homebody. And then on the weekends, a full-blown rock star…complete with groupies and roadies. I guess that would be pretty hard for anyone to live with.
I will say this much; I have noticed lately that I have been recently attracted to some women with graying hair…. I’m not sure what that means. Haha.
Or maybe more like: Have you ever heard the expression, “Jack of all trades. Master of none?” Perhaps that might be more of an explanation of my continuing failure to find a suitable mate. But the last several years have produced an ever-expanding cadre of women who would run over me with a tractor than see me again. That said, I find it harder and harder as the years go by, to find a woman of quality that:
1. Is not wanted by the law
2. Is not a practicing porn actress
3. Does not have major ex-husband issues
4. Can use the word “men” without spitting on the ground
5. Has some ability to use the English language without the repeated F word
6. Is not practicing clandestine chemistry experiments on herself
7. Has the ability to stand on her own two feet when it comes to economics, social settings and physically (In other words, not so drunk she can’t stand up).
I know it is asking a lot in these days. And I know that I’m no prize buffalo either. I am not rich or tall or handsome (in the traditional sense) or even well-read. But surely there has to be someone out there with me in mind. Someone?
Of course, some of this I believe is laziness on my part. Frankly, right now trying to find a girl is running a good second to lounging in my chair in front of the fireplace, with a good book (or a good old movie) and a cold glass of wine.
I am some mind that it could be a multi-personality thing I’ve always had going on. By day, I’m a computer geek (complete with Star Trek regalia). By night, I’m a homebody. And then on the weekends, a full-blown rock star…complete with groupies and roadies. I guess that would be pretty hard for anyone to live with.
I will say this much; I have noticed lately that I have been recently attracted to some women with graying hair…. I’m not sure what that means. Haha.
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