The ABC’s of me…

Positive vs. Negative – Shrek, Donkey and…um, Harvey.

Last night (and rightfully, nearly all the time), my girl friend called me “negative.”  As in, “You’re always so NEGATIVE.”  In which she follows it up with, “Yes, but you’ve had so many things happen to you, I get it.”  That’s her… putting a positive spin on saying something negative about my… um… negativity.  I think it’s time to address this little paradigm once and for all. 

“Glass is half-full or half-empty,” goes the old proverbial phrase when describing a situation.  Of course, many such as myself, have made much fun of the other answers available - Completely full (Air and Water, DUH) and – It’s the wrong-sized glass - or finally - If it’s beer, the answer is always… not enough.

Well, she is right… being a certain age, I have been through a whole lot…. And for the most part, much of it has been awful.  Relationships that didn’t turn out very pleasant, jobs that soured quickly, some people overbearing and under-productive, promises un-kept, and the Ginsu knives don’t work worth crap. 

It was this last, I think, that taught me my first real lesson on negativity. The Knives.

I was newly married and the wife and I were happily absconded in our new apartment when we were visited one day by a door-to-door salesman named Harvey.  Now Harvey was a pleasant, older gentleman that caught us in a weak moment asking us if we would like to check out his new line of super knives now on sale.

Well, hell. What newly-married couple doesn’t need a new set of knives to mingle with their Saint Vincent DePaul kitchen utensils?  Harvey was a seasoned salesman, as he adeptly showed us his line of knives could easily cut through a thick piece of cowhide, and still be nimble enough to slice a whole, ripened tomato (he just happened to bring along).  Just to PROVE that his knives stayed sharp, he then sawed an empty soda can in two.  I’m not sure how many people would need to cut a cowhide and saw a can in two with kitchen knives, but it was an effective presentation. 

And just for today (you know) he was able to offer a special price on his fillet knives… only $35 each when buying the knife set.  And they came with their own “simulated leather sheaths to wear on your belt.” After some discussion, we thought we could buy one for her brother and one for my mom, both fishing enthusiasts. There ya go… only June, and we have some of our Christmas shopping already done!

Grand total came up just south of $400.00.  Of course, we had nothing near that to give him, so he told us we could go on the “easy payment Plan.”  Just twenty dollars down, and 50 a month, we would have those knives paid off in no time flat!  

After the first payment, we found ourselves flat broke, and was not able to pay Harvey.  That meant that we inherited our very own bill collector and man sitting on our steps in the morning…every morning until we paid up.  Harvey became almost part of our daily ritual… as he would be waiting….always waiting outside our door. For a good year, and a little beyond that, Harvey faithfully stood there waiting to get paid.  We gave him what we could, three dollars here and five there.  I doubt we paid the whole debt we owed.  Back then, four hundred dollars was obscene amount of money…and we had no business saying YES to the knives.  I know that now.

The knives – by the way – that turned out to be no better or sharper than those you could buy at your local big box store for a fraction of the cost – and with their own stand yet too! Back then, of course there was no online up-to-the-minute credit report… but Harvey managed to ding up our credit to the point where we couldn’t even find an apartment without running into the likes of him and our big mistake. 

Lesson learned?  Well, yes and no. It taught me to be very weary of people trying to sell you stuff you really don’t need….and really can’t afford….No matter HOW GOOD the deal is.

Now, back to the positive verses the negative thing:  Take any film duo… I’ll use the movie Shrek for my example - Just because I love Shrek and it’s one of my favorite movies.  The truth is… you only really need a few movies to teach you all you need to know about life – The Godfather, Casablanca, The Martian, Gilda, and Shrek.

In Shrek, Donkey is the eternal optimist and Shrek is the eternal pessimist.  Shrek at the beginning is more than happy in his dirty little swamp, scaring the locals and being hated by all.  It’s only when Donkey happens into his life, does he fall into the adventure of the tale.  Now, it is true that Shrek is – by all accounts – a grumpy old curmudgeon that just wants to be left alone. Yet - it is he after all, that does the majority of setting out and rescuing and changing.  

In fact, after finally deciding to rescue the princess, the example I like is while Shrek and Donkey cross the perilous rope bridge. Shrek fearlessly crosses the bridge and helps Donkey to “not look down” while calming his fears. He goes on the confront the dragon, save the princess and his friend and escape. Not bad for a grumpy, negative ogre, eh? 

So… though he is a curmudgeon, and negative… the movie is named for Shrek and not really for Donkey… though without Donkey, it would not have been much a story at all, would it? See. In the real world, there are Shreks and there are Donkeys and in a world filled with evil, wannabe kings, fierce dragons and beautiful princesses…it takes both an idyllic optimist and the pragmatic pessimist to make the story work.

It doesn’t mean I’m negative about everything.  I just know that when people smile and shake my hand…chances are better than even - their name is Harvey…and they want to sell me the Ginsu knives for more than I can afford.  But more than anything, I need Donkey to reassure me that there are still good people in the world that just want to shake my hand.