Raw 1st draft of chapter of "Aged Cheese: An old man's take on life."

Today is a true day of summer, sunny, clear blue sky, the municipal swimming pool is open, and the roads are stuffed with RV travel trailers. Gave me a nostalgic feeling, but then realized it was just gas and it passed quickly. I do miss the time we spent with the little trailer. It truly is an educational and learning experience. It was a 2021 Airstream Basecamp 16 (foot) trailer. We named her “shorty.”

Going back…..

So, right about the time I was considering retirement, I had to decide what my life would look like after "working." I had one bout of colon Cancer, and one heart attack (2 stents implanted, thank you) and my job was becoming well…. A bear. (See the chapter: Technology, what really happened).

My planned date of retirement moved up from 66 and 10 to 65, 64, and finally settling on the tender age of 63 (This was after a second heart attack, and one more stent implanted) as my departure date. I planned to leave with the high school band banging out “Tusk” as my walk-off song.

To the ends of “what will my life be like,” I knew several things for sure. One: no matter what those “travel commercials” tell you, retirement does not immediately move one to tour the world, as it is. Money, being one of the biggest impediments. With the meager amount of savings plus retirement income plus Social (not) security (not), would probably allow me to travel to the farthest reaches of….. Iowa. Nothing like corn, I always say.

The 2nd thing is that I was scared to death of a story one of the janitors relayed about their neighbors. Seems her husband spent some time working on their new shop visa-vie pole shed. He was getting annoyed at the small crowd overwatching his every move. The small crowd, the husband and wife next door that just retired. They were “bored” and brought their lawn chairs to watch. Hence the term, “watching paint dry.” Nope. I do not want to just sit and wait for death to overcome.

The last thing was I wanted the third act of my life to stand for something. I wanted to make a difference. Music, or writing or traveling. Towards that end, I’d been attending these RV shows every year (spring) in Madison. At the time, I was a confirmed and committed bachelor. I figured that would continue for me until the end. Did I miss having someone in my life… yes. Did I want to revisit the dating circus again…. Esp. the online dating life? UGH… NO! (No, I’m not 6 foot. No, I don’t own a Harley, or a boat. And no, I don’t command a 7-figure salary. Oh? Yes, nice to meet you too. Bye)

So, I got it into my head, instead of circumnavigating the globe via sailboat (which is what several men in my posture proposed), I would become the wandering minstrel. Allen o’ Dale, Roy Rodgers with his horse Trigger. I would use the RV as my home sweet home. In this way “Sticking it to the man” No more rent. No more utilities.

I read up on all the latest solar upgrades, mechanical advancements and travel tips and tricks on the latest RVs. I settled on a Class C motorhome. Class C is bigger than the Van-sized Class B, but much smaller than the gargantuan Class A (Greyhound Bus like). I wasn’t interested in the pull-behinds, as I was sporting a Mini Cooper as my daily driver. Class C felt like a “win” all around. At the time I began researching things, a class C Forest River ran about 60k. Just on the outside edge of what I could afford, sans rent, sans utilities, but including big power upgrades, gas, insurance, food, and fix-ups. (C’mon, even I knew that RVs required copious amounts of maintenance). Plus, I could pull the mini behind as my so-called get-away car, should I decide to rob a bank.

Well, two things changed the view in a big way. First was Covid. F&&king Covid. Seems like many of us had life divergences as Before and After Covid. Many people my age that were considering retirement, finally figured now was a good time to get out. Many of them were already laid off, or forced to work as “essential personnel.” About this time, many of those retirees were also thinking, as I, of living their final days on the roadways of America.

One last spin around the block, before the Chinese virus came for us all…. After all, the g’ment didn’t know what the hell they were doing (bleach and shoving blacklights up our bums, notwithstanding). After all, we all read The Stand.

The problem with capitalism; if a reduction in production, plus a big increase in demand equals a large increase in price. Suddenly, that 60k doubled within a year, and a full-sized Class C motorhome ran over 120k. That left me with going Class B and living a VAN LIFE.

Still do-able and heck, maybe even best to travel light.

The other life-changing event was one day when Linda the librarian said those 3 words that changed it all, “What about Judy?” Judy was the girlfriend I had been seeing, and was rather enamored with. Up until then, I had (sorry, Judy) not even considered her part of the equation. My plans were hatched when I was a bachelor. “Well,” says I with hands on hips, thinking it was 1950, “She’ll come with, of course. We’ll share the open road together. I as bandoleer and her as a serving wench.”

Then, Judy said the words that still ring true, “You’ll never be able to afford me!” This precipitated a terrible fight and with us nearly broke up. My manly pride thus scorched and pruned. After a while, I realized she was right. (And still is) So, RV living would not be life changing. Just another weekend hobby as we would need to continue living apartment style. Still paying rent. Still paying utilities.

I think I made the right choice. Right?

So, in order to still enjoy the RV life, we both searched for a used travel trailer RV. Something in Budget. She found it… a slightly used, lovingly taken care of Airstream Basecamp trailer for sale. A nice couple from Indiana owner her. He was an engineer and added a whole ton of stuff to the original trailer. Things like a 19v. 23” flat screen TV, carpeting throughout, and a tiki floor mat in the wet bath. Well, I said okay. Only problem, I did not have a truck.

Judy provided the locomotion, as she bought a 2010 Ford F150, more than enough horsepower to pull the little trailer. We drove down to pick her up, and a few papers signed later, I was a true RV owner. The basecamp towed like a dream, even in high winds.

The mini cooper Putted his last put, and I was wanting to buy a truck. Something I could use to haul the trailer. Of course, by this time finding one used and cheap enough was difficult. We found one at a local dealership. It was a 2014 Chevy Silverado. Two issues, it had almost 200k miles on her and since it was an actual “FARM TRUCK,” it smelled and looked a bit like it. Still, the price was small enough to nearly fit in my wallet. Jump in, I said… and now, though it seemed as if I flipped over backwards, I had my RV and hauler.

Not exactly what I wanted, but not a bad thing either.

We towed that trailer north, south, east and out West. We drove her through the mountains and black hills of South Dakota, saw Mount Rushmore. But last year, luck ran out on the Chevy, as “Glitch” started Glitching somewhere in Central Oklahoma. Fearing we would be stranded in the desert; we decided to cut bait and cut our loses to head home. Well, the ol’ truck finally gave up her ghost months later, and I knew the jig was up. My time as an RV man was coming to a close.

I unceremoniously listed “Shorty” (the trailer) on FB for sale, and a really cool couple from up nort’ bought her. And just like that, I saw my RV dream pass me by. Still. It was a true education. I learned about plumbing, electrical, trucking, towing, emergency repair, heating/cooling, air conditioning, duct tape, engine repair, exhaust repair, computer science, storm watching, cooking, cleaning in small spaces, time management, animal identification, forestry, fire making, grilling, and learning about other people.

It was a good experience, and I do miss the little trailer. But, honestly. I feel sorry all those RV travelers shoulder to shoulder with their fellow man (women, dogs, and screaming kids) trying their best to get away from it all.