Spoiled Rotten and Cheap as Hell…

Tips on how to live well on the cheap: Part I (This is from a previous BLOG on..as they say, "Another Network")

Well, yours truly here has done a lot of living…but only recently have I begun to examine my life choices all up and down the dial. With the price of everything (but wages) headed North, one must make some pretty hard choices about nearly everything. And I mean, everything.

What used to be a quick stop at the grocery store has turned into lessons on civics, economics and chemistry. Toilet paper? Just pick up something soft…Now, it can be as rough as sand paper, as long as it’s cheap! Entertainment? That 42 inch HDD TV? FORGETABBOUDIT… Dinning out? All of this is quickly turning into harder choices nowadays.

It’s another BLOG altogether, but I really think that we’ve been way too spoiled for way too long. And maybe we face unprecedented changes, but as a people we have weathered many storms before. There’s no reason to believe we won’t survive this one. We just have to learn new ways of doing things to survive… And being a spoiled brat most of our lives (well, we have.. haven’t we?), it’s not easy to do. Here are some tips from me to you on some of the things that have worked for me…

These are written by the way, from a middle-aged single man’s point of view…and in no way, shape or form am I any sort of expert on anything.. But as one friend put it recently: Experts built the Titanic. Amateurs built the Ark. Enjoy….

Heading: Gas.
Of course, this is the biggie… There have been so many rumors about how to penny pinch on gas now that it has surpassed 4 dollars a gallon (and only looks to go upwards from here). Most of these are Urban Legends and won’t work… some are even dangerous. There is a new breed of driver out there… they call it “hypermilling”. I caution anyone to be leery of this. Coasting downhill (with the motor off) might sound like a good idea, but it’s just damn dangerous. Same with over-filling your tires with air or some other gas other than air…
The best way to save on gas mileage is to simply drive less. Walk or bike…good exercise and best on the pocketbook. If you live someplace that has public transportation, use it. Here in Mayberry, they don’t have such a contrivance, so look into car pooling. Of course, you cannot always do that, so the second best way to save on gas is to…

Drive slower. For you John and Jane Andreitti’s out there… keep your feet off the gas. If the turkeys want to pass you, let em! If they honk at you and flip you off…drive even slower…that’ll really piss em off! You’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you saved money and caused some inbred moron to lose about another minute from their petty little life.. .umm.. did I say that?
Slow down and steady on commutes. On dry, daylight pavement using the cruise control can save you up to 2 mpg on your trip. For stop and go driving (like between stop lights), don’t jackrabbit start and stop.

Plan your route. I have found that much mileage is wasted on just little trips back and forth to the store. I plan my route home to include a stop the store, gas station, movie rental place, and pharmacy. Many times that means I can usually stow the car for the night once I get home from work. Fewer trips. Fewer miles. Less gas.

All those late night infomercials for additives or little add-on devices to your car do not work. Much like those “male enhancement” commercials… just a pipe dream and a waste of your time and money.

Buying your gas in the morning (another urban legend) does not give you more gas because the gas is “lighter” in the mornings. The only thing you get by getting your gas in the morning is probably better coffee.

Letting your car idle while your getting coffee. Nothing pissed me off more this spring than seeing the “fleet” of SUV’s outside the Kwik Trip parking in front with the engines running and the drivers in the store getting their morning coffee and doughnuts. For the 10 minutes you spent in line your car got exactly ZERO miles per gallon. How’s that genius. Shut the thing off!!!

Buying a “Prius”… 40 plus miles to the gallon sounds pretty good right now, don’t it? Problem is, unloading that big ass DODGE RAM 4x4 with the Hemi is going to be next to impossible. Prepare to lose thy shirt! And a new Prius will run you around 28k… with interest rates high (that is, if you can get a loan anymore), and demand high… you’re better off just driving less or buying a horse. Keep the Dodge Ram in the front yard as a monument to our stupidity and conspicuous consumption…

Keep your automobile tuned up! When the “check engine” light goes on, make sure the gas cap is on…if it is… fer cryin’ out loud, get it checked out!! Keep your tires new (even if like me you had to spend a small fortune on a set of new ones). Change your oil…but oil companies (yes those same ones!) that are bilking you at the pump are also telling you to change your oil every 3000 miles. Today’s cars and oils are designed to go a whole lot further… Most cars can go as much as 8k before changing the oil. Cars like mine have a “oil done” digital gage that tell you when it’s time to change the oil.

Locking gas cap. It worked in the 70’s, it’ll work now. Play it safe.

I’m sure I’ll have more later. I have a whole lot of suggestions for travel (driving), but I’ll leave that for another BLOG. I'm working on a new bunch called "Live like a Bachelor...Live like a King!", Saving in the Grocery Store and my opinions in cheap but good living... In the meantime, this is Mr. Tight Ass himself signing off..