Nice Guys Finish Last?  

(Originally written in 2006...from another BLOG)  

The Last of the Nice Guys….

One of the things that just chaffs me recently, is the internet’s continuing ability to tell us that the sky is Blue…no, wait….um, Green… Nope Nope Nope… Studies indicate that the sky is actually Fuchsia (What the hell is Fuchsia?).  However, a new poll says that 80 percent of Americans believe the sky is grey. (Error of margin plus or minus 5 percent).

One such non-article showed up recently in (of course…the bellwether of all things in relationship issues…) Yahoo, entitled “Why nice guys finish last.”

This is an article written by “relationship expert” (Special to Yahoo Personals), April Masini. Ms. Masini is the author of FOUR whole books on the subject of dating: “Date out of your league” (Dating tips for men), “Think and date like a man” (Dating advice for women), “50 first dates” (Dating ideas)…and of course the page-turning, “The next 50 dates.”

The author in this article ventures a guess why so many women do not find “nice guys” sexy, or exciting. She goes on to extrapolate the reasons why nice guys fail. They are boring. They are predictable. They are “average”. They are not aloof, or do not “value themselves”.

She says, “…but there’s no chemistry. He just doesn’t turn me on.” 

And I can tell you from my (now) long dating experience, that she is ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. I know because I am one of those “nice” fellows that she is writing about. Maybe that’s why I’m so chaffed by the article. Woe to the man dubbed, “nice guy”!

Of course, she does make some valid points…not to totally disregard all she writes. It is important to “value yourselves”. I would hazard a guess that means something like Care about yourself. Though most men CARE about themselves, perhaps not in the ways that attract women; or in ways the author would accept… but, sure most people CARE about themselves. In fact, in my experience, we could probably use a little LESS: I CARE ABOUT ME and a little MORE: I CARE ABOUT OTHERS..  (just my opinion, of course).

My take? I think the author is confused. In the very least, she is not very knowledgeable about men. Which, given this world in America…where both men and women roam in packs. Separate agendas. Separate lives. Separate paths….is completely understandable. The author is confusing a nice guy with the stereotype called “wimp”.  You can almost see him in your head now, can’t you? Thinking…umm… Jerry Lewis in a beanie cap. Glasses. Tape in the middle. Yeah, him.

The problem is not so much nice guys don’t turn women on. The problem is the type of women who feel they need a BAD GUY to turn them on. Oh, sure… I’ll bet that a Charles Manson in his day was a turn on (Obviously, from the legend of his women followers)… dark. Handsome. Dangerous. Scary. Sexy. But, DUDE… he KILLED people… get it? Killed them. Murdered them! In cold blood. Get it?

It’s all pretty hot in a romance novel. Bodice-ripping, sexual turn on, quiet, angry, on the edge, dangerous, pirate, international spy, Thief, Con man… all great literary devices. But, really.. who would want to live with that? You, Ms. Dating expert? Man, I hope not.

Then I thought about it (probably more than I should.. after all, I have other things to think about)… but my dad was a nice guy. I mean, a really really nice guy. People loved him. He went out of his way for just about anyone. He was funny, but most times quiet. He was kind. And caring. In his own way, strong. But not the I-don’t-care-what-anyone-thinks kind of prideful strong. Something that Ms. Masini has probably never seen before. A GOOD MAN.

My dad was in love with my mom and visa versa. And my mom in her day was pretty stunning woman. My dad? Well, he was no six-pack abs guy with a urban ‘tude and a righteous do.. Nope. My dad was more like…um… Fred Flintstone (without all the yelling)…  A regular, dependable, GOODGUY. 

Being strong and stoic does not come from outside. Being strong is something that comes from inside. Knowledgeable. Forthright. Compassionate. Experience. And one of my favorite words lately, integrity. That’s what makes a person (both men and women) strong.

And if some woman is not “turned on” or excited by the prospect of a good man… In my opinion…she is not worth the trouble either….

Let the Ms. Masini’s of the world date men in prison and wonder why oh why did she get so taken in when he left after he abused her and took all her money.

What this man (me) wants is someone who is strong and equal in forthright and has integrity as well.

And If that makes me a bad man…well, does that turn you on?