The meeting: This is based on a story told to me about a hard-working guy that I know, just trying to get by when his micro-manager boss decides to call him on the carpet for the latest infraction of his overreaching rules. Any resemblance to others living or dead, is purely coincidental.

 Boss: “Well, I’m looking to hear why you did not do those first four trouble tickets in the queue.”

Me: “I don’t know, boss. I don’t have an explanation. We have been really busy, if you haven’t noticed. And the one other boss lady told me to put her in front of the line for tickets. In my defense, we’ve had only half of the tickets this year, compared to last. Isn’t that something?”

Boss: “Yes, but you take twice the amount of time to do any ticket compared to your co-worker. Why is that?”

Me. “Again, I do not know. I did not know how to do some of this stuff, so I was learning on the fly.”

Boss: “Have you not had training? I recall paying for lots of training of the past couple of years.”

Me: “Yes, that’s true but…”

Boss: “But nothing. If you were having trouble you should have asked for help. Co-worker managed all of that while finishing all of the tickets he was assigned.”

Me: “Well actually, he has the same number of tickets I have now.”

Co-worker looks up from his phone that he has been staring at during the entire exchange… “That’s true, we both have the same number of tickets.”

Boss: “Don’t correct me.” Turns back to me: “I want nightly updates from you about every ticket you do from now on. I want a detailed description of each and every issue, when you accessed the ticket, who you spoke with and what steps you took to resolve the issue.”

Me: “But, that is going to take more time away from actually doing the work.”

Boss: “I don’t care. I don’t want to be caught unawares again.”

 

How I wish it would go:

Me: “Look, boss. I’m paying off one of my two credit cards in two weeks. In two more I’ll pay off my second card. After that, all I have left in debt is my school loans. God willing and the cricks don’t rise, by February I pay them off. Then, I don’t own a soul on this planet one single little cent, other than my monthly bills. Then, I save, save, save and I’ll enter my sixty-third year of life with a good ten grand in the bank.”

Me: “If my ticker holds out, my car holds out, my relationship holds out, and my job holds out…all of which are hanging by a string…I’ll retire and buy the fuckin’ RV and I’ll be saying an adieu to you and you and you and you. I’ll be leaving this bullshit so far behind, and so fast it’ll make your head spin.”

Me: “Now, until then, I’m going to play your little games to make you feel like a big man, much bigger than you deserve to be. So, until then, unless you have some objection and would like to write me up now, I’ve got work I’ve got to get to.”

How it would probably go:

ME: “Okay, I guess we’ll do whatever we can to make that work….” 

Boss: “Okay, then. Let’s get to work.” He gets up from his chair to leave.

Co-worker again looks up from the phone, “Yeah. I have to run to one of the other buildings to do some things. I’ll come with you.” Co-worker stands up and follows boss out the door.

End.