(Originally written February 11th, 2010) 

Maybe we should just give up now:  

  

You know, though I vowed to myself to watch and read less “news” in the new year…Yet, I find myself drawn to it like a fly to… well, you get the idea. I told myself, that news, especially “Hard” network news… is bad for the soul. It contributes to my overall angst, anger and complete confusion on our world today. I think of it, “the more I learn… the less I seem to know.”

Or as was put it in the old Black and White noir classic, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington… (Saunders): “I wonder Diz, if this Don Quixote hasn't got the jump on all of us. I wonder if it isn't a curse to go through life wised up like you and me.”

Or from The Beatles: “I read the news today…oh, boy…”

One of my good friends has suddenly gotten the political fever, and it’s intriguing how logic-be-damned, he sends out reams of demagoguery that leaves me just shaking my head. Then one of my other friends figuratively beats his logic over the head with some completely non-sensical non-logic demagoguery of his own. Two old men arguing about what color is the color of blue. (sigh)

But, it’s not just the political rancor that has me shaking my head in disgust. Murders, Mayhem, Sexual scandals, Blackmail, American Idol (isn’t there some sort of biblical commandment against worshiping idols? I’m just sayin’), Dancing with the (d-list) Stars, Global Warming, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Wars, Violence, Destruction, Distrust, unemployment, Tea Parties (don’t sound like much of a “party” to me, really), Drug overdoses, Mass murderers, Family murderers, Domestic abuse, Drug Abuse, Paparazzi abuse, natural disasters, man-made disasters, killing in the name of God, killing in the name of Allah, killing in the name of money, CEO’s that make too much money, people that will do anything for money, people that would do anything to get 15 minutes of fame on television, “reality” Television (an oxymoron…emphasis on the “moron”…  if ever there was one), the oil crisis, the climate crisis, the crisis in Haiti, the crisis in health care, the housing crisis, the unemployment crisis.

If I missed anything, I’m sorry..  but.. I think you get the idea. Today, I think I’ve finally met my final “news” limit with this story from CBS news dot com. It is simply titled “Chemicals in your foods that make you fat.”   There is a picture of green grapes on the page with the article.

Since I’ve been on this weight loss discovery, I have been inundated with thousands of suggestions, and I’ve been very (at least what I thought was) in tune to the best way to lose weight and live healthier. But, this article points out the near-impossibility of making sense of anything… any more than a Sarah Palin Presidency.

The chemicals sprayed on your fruits and vegetables are called (appropriately enough) obesogens. These chemicals sound like that evil side of Dr. Suesse’s worst nightmare. According to the article, these Obesogens can cause heart disease, diabetes, obesity, and high cholesterol. Wholly Crap!!! Huston, we’ve hit the mother load!

Why haven’t we heard about any of this before? Apparently, nothing is really safe from the chemicals. Apples, grapes, pears, oranges, Steaks, processed meats, anything in a can, anything in a plastic (PBA) bottle or container. Which is pretty much everything. Wholly hosanna!

So…okay in my endless searching for “Healthy eating” here’s what I’ve found…. “foodie experts” here we go………………..

• Bread: Bad.
• White Bread REALLY Bad.
• Flat Breads, still Bad.
• All non-organic fruits (apples, oranges, pears, grapes, and tomatoes), Bad.
• Celery and other leafy vegetables grown not grown in the U.S.
• Eggs, Bad.
• Eggs, Good.
• Nope, Eggs, Bad.
• Wait!! Egg whites okay… Egg yokes, Bad.
• Anything (and I mean anything) with white enriched flour, Bad.
• Fish, Good.
• Fish from Midwestern Lakes (laced with Mercury), Bad.
• Fish oil, Good.
• Fish oil..  ah, not so much. (Not if your on medications for cholesterol). 
• Hot dogs…. Very very bad!
• Hamburgers… no friggin’ way.. and certainly no cheese on them!
• Actually anything less than goat cheese, BAD BAD BAD!!!
• Milk (other than Soy Milk), Bad.
• Chocolate, Bad…unless it’s Dark Chocolate and then it’s GOOD 
• Any candies or sweets…Bad.
• Candy Bars (with or without chocolate)…Bad.
• Butter, Bad.
• Margarine, Good.
• Nope, Margarine Bad.
• Butter, Good.
• Nope.. neither one is any good.
• Sugar…  shaaaa.. like not. Ever. Ever. Nothing with sugar anywhere near it! 
• Salads, Good.
• Salads Dressings, Bad. (Anything you put on the salad is bad… so just go for the leaves… oh, and only the DARK GREEN LEAVES).  Don’t even ask about croutons (those are breads, remember?)
• Pizza… Bad. (no matter what it is!)
• Fast Food, Bad.
• Steaks, and any red meats… BAD.
• Chickens???? Have you seen how McChickens are killed and chopped and grated for our pleasure?? Urrrgggg..  yuck! BAD BAD BAD! 
• Mayonnaise, Bad. Sandwich dressing , Bad. (They suggest tofu to keep your sandwiches from being too dry… first, I don’t like tofu, and it’s don’t matter anyway.. cause your sandwich has bread, and cheese and processed meat… ALL BAD!)
• Alcohol, Bad.
• Alcohol (as in Red wine….good for your heart), Good.
• Alcohol (as in Beer…good for your bones), Good.
• I guess that means the Jägermeister is still up in the air.
• Water, Good.
• Water, in bottles, Bad.
• Water in PBA plastic bottles… VERY BAD!
• Any food in plastic containers, Bad.
• Any food in metal can containers, Bad.
• Any food in Jars, Good (how many of those are left?)
• Yogurt, good.
• Yogurt, Bad.
• Yogurt.. Dannon, Good. (Makes your colon regular… in short, makes you poop more)
• Yogurt… low fat, Still not so good.

I think that’s about it. Right? Whew! So, dear friends..  I’ve come to the conclusion that pretty much everything is bad. Which is why me and the other ogres in the swamp will be making a luscious swamp toad soup, fish eye tartar…. Tonight for dinner.

Oh, and as far as Ms. Palin goes? I hope she does make it to the presidency. From what I’ve seen recently, she’s the kind of president this country really deserves.

Bon Appétit

(Written August 9th, 2017) 

We often think the worst of people after we watch the news.  After all, there are so many horrors out there, it’s enough for anyone to lose heart. 

Yet, it was about three years ago; I was feeling down and depressed.  My life was at a turning point.  I stopped in at what was Cousin’s Subs just around the bend in Baraboo, to purchase my typical Saturday Entree for lunch.  As I gave the man behind the counter my money, he handed it back, informing me someone had anonymously paid for everyone that day to eat for free.  “His only request was to pay it forward,” he said.

I never forgot that one complete stranger’s gift and request.  It taught me that people are bigger and better than the news we are forced to digest daily. 

Now we find ourselves on the precipice of war.  Two misogynist’s leaders full of nothing but hate and avarice are leading us all to the brink.  And maybe we are North Korea’s sworn enemy.  But, what if we practiced what Jesus had taught us? 

What if we turned the other cheek? What if we lay down our arms? Would that make us traitors or pioneers?

The Wine Walk:  Fill me up, Buttercup….

(Robin Williams:  I like my wine like my women, ready to pass out….)

Saturday Night I went with my lady friend to her stomping grounds, the thriving metropolis of Lyndon Station for their annual “Wine Walk.”  Now, I’ve never been on a wine walk before…and from pictures I’ve seen on Facebook, it looks more like a good excuse to get drunk than anything.  Still, I’m always open to new things…so, I accepted her offer to go with.  I drove, so I knew I would have to keep a solid hold on myself and not drink too much. 

First thing I noticed was it was expensive: $20.00 a pop (or – perhaps a fizzle) for tickets.  For that, we each got an actual glass wine glass (I was rather surprised it wasn’t a red solo cup) – wonderfully etched with “Wine Walk 2017” in case you might forget from where you inherited the “stem ware.” Five years from now, surely you’ll see them on some Saint Vincent’s shelf.  Finally, a booklet (with coupons) where the participants were to “punch out” after visiting each location.  There were about ten locations in all. 

The second thing I noticed, nearly all of the participants were female.  This was reinforced at one point by a couple of ladies tittering away behind me (a very crowded tavern) about how “men were too afraid to do a wine walk,” at which point I leaned back towards them and said, “Well, I consider myself a renaissance man.”  I was glad they laughed at that.  Better a laugh, than a glass of Green Bay Packers wine dumped on my head.

Some of the walkers I noticed were complete professionals.  You could tell by the wine glass holders they wore around their neck.  Now, those are some dedicated drinkers!  Keeping your hands free for…..whatever.

Mostly, it was just throngs of pleasant and chatty women (and a few of us guys) walking from tavern to tavern, less and less steady as the “tour” went on.

It rained.  Lord, it rained…  At least it was a good way to wash (Or in the vernacular of those from Lyndon Station…. WORSH) out the increasingly sticky wine glasses. 

I was sort of hoping it might be cultural nom de plume, where one would sample exotic and enigmatic tastes from local wineries with a little history from each area, sample cheeses, and sausages from those areas.  There were a couple of interesting stops, most notably, Miller’s General Store (the first stop).  Miller’s was an old-time local grocery store that would remind anyone my age of the golden age of Mom and Pop’s groceries where locals once purchased foodstuffs and other sundries. 

(Sorry, maam… just came into town for some supplies…) 

Downstairs at Miller’s, a trophy room where the wine was served and the folks down there were at least interested in explaining the differences in the three offered wines.  Plus, I am not a hunter, but I admit I was impressed with the cadre of deer and elk (and a Grizzly upstairs) trophies on the walls.  Also, the friends of my lady-friend, which came along seemed a likeable bunch, which also made the tour a good time. 

Other than that, it really ended up being more of a “…no, more…more… that’s it…. Just a sconce more…. Almost…. THERE!” as the 2.99\bottle wine spilled over the top of the glass.  Towards the end of the 2 whole blocks of “sampling” the stops pretty much gave up…one of the bars just sat bottles of wine out next to a bunch of fruit and cheese curds and you could just help yourself…

A-yup, it was a long, long way from sipping French Chateau Lafite – 1966 at Le Bistro de la Reine on the West Bank of Paris, along the Seine River… a belle femme quietly singing La Vie En Rose in the corner with her concertina as her accompaniment... 

To…  huddling with the drunk, wet masses at the “Double B” next to the pool table, whilst watching the Badgers play football, the Tunes box playing “She’s My Cherry Pie” at full, ear screeching volume and drinking an overflowing glass of Liberty Creek white. 

Though I think the most memorable of it all, was Norm, from…you guessed it, “Norm’s” pouring from those little 1.99 plastic Sutter Home glasses into your wine glass.  (Rolling eyes… )  I just don’t see why he just didn’t throw the little bottles at us as we passed by… 

“Here ‘ya go… get er’ done!” 

Finally, by the end I was ready to head home… and it was not even 8pm.  All I wanted was to go home.  

I know, I know… I’m sounding snobbish deluxe here, but I can’t help it.  It’s not so much a culture thing (well, maybe it is)… Look, I can red-neck with the best of them.  I can wrestle in the mud, baby.  But I just don’t see the purpose of trying to dress up something if there’s no real significance to it.  I personally think they should have had a big ol’ box of wine (1,000 gallons or more) in the middle of the street and ten spigots you could just put your mouth under.  That would have made more sense to me.

When I think of wine, I think of it like this…

 

(From “Sideways” 2004.  The Life of Wine)

Or even -

From French Kiss: 1995. (“Bub”  no, Bob… oh, BYOB”) 

Well, lessons learned, I guess...  I did try it.  When I get a hankerin' for a wine walk, I think I'll just throw a box of wine in the freezer, dig out my "Wine Walk 2017" glasses, and watch something on TV.  

From an earlier edition of my BLOG - Written on July 17th, 2008.  Funny how so few - and yet, how many things have changed since then...  

Saw a lightning bug and other Clark Kent Observations..

Interesting weekend, in many ways. Have I ever said how much as the years have gone by I love the fair? There’s something so.. .nostalgic and reminiscing about your local Wisconsin County Fair.. The cheese curds. The artery-hardening-greasy-lions-cheesburgers..to die for..  Gyros made from some mystery meat…served in tin foil and dripping sauce on your shirt..  Cheap beer in the beer tent… people you haven’t seen in years… Those Budweiser Mirrors… tilt a whirls.. Zippers…  Farris wheels.. on top of the world with your sweetheart. Kissing in the parking lot.

A few years back, I think I lamented about how I hated the fairs. Seemed like such a gyp…  but the last couple of years, I’ve learned to love them again. Just in the way of re-connecting with a past part of me. I don’t miss those days, but it was cool to re-visit just a little part. Of course it’s not the same..  first off, no sweetheart to go on the Farris wheel with and steal kisses…  but still got to spend some time in the beer (pavilion) not a tent… and listen to a great band.

(Of course, then she walks by… and the band starts playing… “WHEN WILL I BE LOVED?”  coincidence?) 

Anyway… I got what I wanted out of the experience. Saw people I knew from long ago. Had some cheap beers. Smelled the smells of the diesel engines that power the rides. Saw the show animals and the cool 4H stuff. Had the POWER GYRO… The crying kids and the teenagers all “meeting up”. It was nice.

Tonight when I was walking I saw a lightning bug. I think this is the first one I’ve seen in 2 years. I remember as a kid chasing them in a farmer’s field by our house in Wonewoc. Collected them in a little jar and my dad poked holes in the top “for them to breathe”.

I recently met a friend that (surprise surprise) actually likes Baraboo. We’ve had some great conversations.. and come to find out that she’s lived pretty much all over the U.S. and she said that she loves it here and does not ever want to move. I find that refreshing. Seems like some acquaintances I’ve known always want to move away… “If only I could move away from here…”

Brings up an interesting topic. Where ya hang your hat…   Though I am looking at kind of “hunkering down” over the nine or so months, to ride out what is turning out to be one tough recession. It’s just downright scary out there…  But, out of every bad storm comes a good thing…I believe. And maybe out of this one I’ll finally get me Dale on, and get past my very checkered past.

Does that include a move? Hmmm.. not sure. I really do (now) understand that willingness to start over again, fresh. New job. New town. But for someone that’s pretty much an introvert.. it could be very hard to start again. I would have to face my “social anxiety fears”, and not depend on the music/band part of my life to introduce me to new people. I am a little surprised that I have learned to come out of the shell a bit over the past year. I found…that…aside from drunks and sluts in bars… I enjoy having conversations with people. I like to hear their views (whether I agree with them or not), and their life histories.

And all this time, I thought I had the corner of the market for being…uhmmm… interesting.

Where you hang your hat is home? Maybe it’s where you hang your heart. I guess as the zen master once said…Hmmm.. We’ll see. 

A fatal case of assholism…  

You know, I had heard that we (once again) missed out on the end of the world.  “Futurist” and conspiracy theorist David Meade became another YouTube celebrity with his theory that on Saturday, September 23^rd the mysterious planet Nibiru or maybe it was Cthulhu (My apologies, H.P. Lovecraft fans) was going to bang into the earth and destroy all.  Well, that didn’t happen. 

But at least it gave pause to people like me that wonder about the end of our world.  Eventually, of course, there will be an end of our world.  But, when we speak about THE BIG END, mostly we’re talking about the end of humanity, as opposed to the end of the earth. 

Chances are the earth will be here for a long time, save an apocalyptic collision with a planet-sized meteor, a cross-orbital encounter with Mars or Venus, or when the sun finally flashes out as it becomes a red-giant, sometime five billion years into the future. 

Nope, we’re talking about the absence of humanity from existence.  I believe this result will come much sooner than the destruction of our planet.  Of course, you’ve probably seen or at least heard of all the ways thee may parish….  War, disease, natural disaster, and all the rest….many in Technicolor apocalyptic science fiction movies.

However, I firmly believe we will all meet our untimely demise because of a fatal case of assholism.  Of all the isms in the world, this one appears to be the most virulent and dangerous.  Now, assholism certainly seems to be on the rise in many corners of the world. 

Of course, in order to look into the meaning of assholism, one must understand the asshole as a whole….. (Thank you, thank you very much).  It, of course all begins with the ass.  

Now, being a big butt man from way back, I can certainly appreciate the pleasantly rounded orbs of a woman’s behind.  Now, frankly, I’ve tried studying the sexual significance of the butt… why men seem to find it attractive.  Most people do not like to discuss it, even to the point of me slapped hard across the face. 

Many women also seem to enjoy a good-looking butt on a man.  I’m not sure what qualifies as good looking.  “Round, tight and muscular,” are descriptions I have heard.  Of course, I don’t know why anyone would need muscles in their butt… sitting is done with or without a well-toned behind… and obviously one does not lift weights with their butt.

Honestly, the only reasons one has a butt is that your ability to bend, walk and sit all require a large hinged part of your skeleton to be on the lower section of your body.  (Having a butt on your shoulders would be cumbersome at best…)  The other, major reason you have a butt is that other reason….

Therefore, we get to the hole of the ass, the ass hole.

Now, the anus or -for our purposes of this exposition- ass hole is not just a hole, it is a sphincter muscle, which is really a good thing.  If you didn’t have a sphincter, it would be impossible to ever wear pants… every time you would have to void wastes, you’d just have to stop, drop and plop.  Not a pleasant aspect, for sure.  The sphincter muscle holds the waste (That’s poop) until it is full enough and with help from you, it leaves your body. 

Since having colon cancer years ago, I have great respect for the amazing abilities of the human body.  You put in food (Energy) in the top… and through gravity and coordinated muscle movements this food is used to supply your body with nutrients and energy as it moves from the upper GI to the lower GI tracts.  All this, thanks to a body system that is, for the most part, self-regulated. 

Now, the anus has been known for other things too…  some have used it as a storage area to smuggle drugs or other contraband items into or out of places.  Others claim it has sexual properties which we will not go into here (badda bing! Oh, I’ve got a million of ‘em!). 

Personally, I don’t quite understand much of that sort of thing.  Again, after having stage 3-colon cancer, I have had Doctors, Nurses, cameras, probes, and surgical tools up there… and I found it not pleasurable in any sort of way.  I guess different strokes for….. ah, whatever… 

Suffice it to say an asshole is a good and necessary thing to have as a matter of biology. 

However having an asshole and being an asshole is a huge difference. 

Unfortunately, being an asshole (or the more polite term, ass hat… that, by the way is not a thing) is not a good thing.  Those type of assholes seem to be everywhere.  Almost from the moment you get up in the morning, there seems to be assholes hanging around. 

There is that special asshole that manages to sit on your bumper on the highway on your way to work.  Extra special points awarded to that asshole that passes you on the two-lane road and then a half a mile up the road stops to turn left in front of you.  One only hopes for an especially warm spot in hell for them.  Not to mention those whom pass in no passing zones going up a hill, as I have oft experienced on lovely highway A in Sauk County.  (After all, A is for AUTOBAHN). 

Now, being an asshole can be contagious.  This is how road rage happens.  One asshole cuts off another, and this anger management patient becomes an asshole by thinking they can play fast and Furious on the highway.  Death on the highway because people can’t stop being assholes.  

Then, of course we have the assholes whom we all know are assholes… Nazi’s, the KKK and ISIS for example.  Truly assholes.  They want to KILL people because they don’t like them.  ISIS are a bunch of ****** that are so chicken they can’t face their enemies one to one, so they have to blow innocent people up to make their point. 

Of course, Donald Trump doesn’t seem to mind Nazi’s too much (or the or KKK or Russians for that matter),  so that brings me to the next bunch:

Assholes as leaders of countries and nations:  These stretch as far back as history.  Nero was one…  Caligula, another.  Hitler, of course is a favorite, but not many people remember Mussolini during the same time, also a rather righteous a-hole. 

Yet, the list of modern heads of state could equal these in their determination to undermine humankind with their atrocities.  (looking at you, Russia…) 

Since I like to think the elected head of a country should reflect the residents within, it goes to follow then the Donald Trump is probably an asshole…. Now, I’m not saying that I know for a fact that the President of our country is, indeed, an asshole.  Yet, it certainly seems like many of the things he has done and said are asshole-like.  Sort of like the obnoxious uncle that comes to your wedding, gets snookered on brandy and then does the most obnoxious things and ends up ruining the party.  You just wish Uncle Donald would just quietly pass out in a corner somewhere and sleep it off.  Shut up, Donny… you’re an ASSHOLE! 

It seems like there are so many Americans that fit that description, and are damn proud of it too… which makes them ignorant assholes.  It's like they have head lice and proud of that fact. Yeah, us! 

Assholes are truly everywhere…  The one non-asshole thing they do is not discriminate.  They stretch across all geo-political and economic lines.  Many of the rich think the greater amount is poor and the poor think the rich hold the patent on assholism.  It’s not a race, folks.  Plenty of asshole-pie to go around. 

There are many female assholes that are on parity with men assholes (finally, equality!).  Nevertheless, I would be willing to bet my ass-hat there are probably more men than women, which fit the description.  It certainly seems that way, doesn’t it?

There are assholes of all ages, types, color, religion, and ethnic backgrounds.  From the asshole that takes up two parking spaces at the store, to the one that sends you spam emails.

Full disclosure:  There have been times in my life, if I’m to be completely honest here, when I…. yes, even me, have been an asshole too.  However, these days I try my best not to be, as I am very cognizant of such behavior, and sometimes I fail… but, I do try very hard every day to be just an okay, regular guy. 

I’ve recently noted that folks that do good work things….like… oh, work on your computers for a living say…. Should not be treated badly … because… well, they fix YOUR stuff.  In other words, the tech guy at your workplace can certainly out-asshole you by getting around to fix the computer you broke sometime around…….hmmm….. Christmas, or the apocalypse whichever comes first.  Jus’ sayin’.   (which is, by the way… a very asshole-ish saying). 

So, now I’m closing this missive by apologizing for all the assholes.   I’m sorry that I use this terribly crude term, but in today’s world, it seems to be the only thing the people hear; almost like we have assholes instead of ear-holes.   

Finally, I would like to believe that when Moses went to the mountain to receive God’s law, HE could have saved himself a bunch of work –at least one tablet - if he cut it down to just a few commandments:

Love each other. Period. No exceptions. 
Treat each other the way you would like to be treated.
Always look out for, and take care of each other.
Keep me in your heart, always.... for I am always with you. 
DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE. 

  

Yeah, you know me...  Saint Dale.  Patron Saint of Loser Musicians...  

Fifty-Eight

This is the “Speech” I had written for the show last Saturday night.   Though I only used a small portion of it during an intro for the song “Time won’t let me,” the entire text is within.  I hope you enjoy or at least consider it…  in its totality. 

(Saturday, June 17 2017)   I woke up this morning and realized that this would be the very last day I would ever be 57 years old.  Tomorrow morning, approximately 4:44 am would be 58 years a human on this earth.  You could certainly say that today I’m on the edge of 58. 

Now, I’m sure you’ve heard of the song “the edge of 17,” by Stevie Nicks.  Well, the gulf between the edge of 17 and 58 is a rather large one.  So many things have changed from then until now.  So many technology advances… think about it. 

There was no internet, no cell phones, no “Amber alerts,” no Amazon… not even Super Walmart’s.  No cable television…  no Netflix, no global warming, not even unleaded gas.  There was only a few fast food places…   In Reedsburg, there was “Dairy King” and “A&W”…  The Reedsburg Café and very greasy beer battered fish and chocolate shakes at the Reedsburg Bowling Lanes. 

The thing is, when I was on the edge of 17, I was playing in LaValle, Wisconsin in a rock n’ roll band with a guitar in my hand.  Now, on the edge of 58, I’m playing in LaValle, Wisconsin in a rock n’ roll band with a guitar in my hand.  This leads me to only one conclusion…

I am a time-traveler from another era….   

This I am certain of.  This is the only logical explanation…. 

It’s hard for me to believe that time as slipped away so quickly.  I’ve heard it goes like this, but I always sort of didn’t believe it.  The days zoom by… weeks, months and then years.  Before you know it, you’re considering where to put your “plot” and companies are gleefully sending you “life insurance policies” to make sure your loved ones are not burdened by your funeral expenses… 

Excuse me?  Fuck you! 

I’m not done living yet.  I still have my dreams, thank you very much!

I’m still hoping that maybe.. just maybe… someone might take notice of the guy from Wisconsin that wrote that very heartfelt novel… or maybe spun that thought-provoking song.  I have so many great ideas still dancing in my head… 

Even more than that, I’m hoping someone will find the will to love such a lost soul as myself… and maybe spend some of the time we might still have together.  I’m sure so ready for that. 

58.  Not a curse, but perhaps a hasten…